-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

*^- 5 -^*

"Most people wouldn't get so wound up over things like this." He laughed, holding the snapped bracelet in his hands.
"But-"
"You can always buy me a new one-"
"I'll fix it!" I pleaded, trying to snatch it back from him.
"Don't bother, it's just a piece of string anyway, better off buying a new one." He sighed, pulling it back and throwing it into the trash can beside us. I stared at the trash can with emptiness. My efforts into making the thing were now wasted, I guess I could make a new one, but why would I? I didn't feel like it anymore.

~^* Are we clear? *^~

HANBIN POV

I woke up in a cold sweat. My whole body shaking and vibrating. My heart pulsated as I lifted my body up to a sitting position.
I got nightmares like this often. I had blank faces of memories I knew had happened with no recollection of who it was about. I gave up trying to understand, I can live without knowing.

As I glanced around my room, I remembered the lack of Matthew the night before and checked my phone eagerly.

1 new message from MASHU

MASHU: sorry I didn't answer, something came up at work.

I sighed and replied to the message.

Me: Where are you now? Still at work?

The door creaked open and he walked in slowly.
"Someone broke into the gym just after I closed last night...I've been at the police station." He sighed. I shuffled over to make room for him on my bed as he flopped onto my mattress beside me and leant his head on my shoulder.
"Thankfully they said I don't need to come in today~" he hummed cheerfully.
I chuckled and ruffled his hair.
"You rest up then, I was worried last night you know..."
He nodded and sighed. I lifted myself up from my bed and walked over to the bathroom.

I had this funny feeling in my stomach, walking to the bus stop. Some sort of nervous stomach ache. It felt as though my world was on a tilt, my vision was foggy and my brain was cluttered. I prayed that my mind wouldn't collapse in on itself again. One more day until the weekend, just one more.

"Morning~" Jiwoong smiled as I walked through the door into the locker room. He sat on the bench tying his shoelace as Taerae got changed behind him. I nodded, turning to my locker and placing my things inside.
Where's Hao? I thought.
He was on my mind too much. Ever since I'd laid eyes on him it was like my thoughts had been captured by him. All I was doing was wasting my time, so why did I care so much? Questions like these were just as useless as the thoughts which had provoked them, it wasn't like I'd ever get an answer. Beside the way you want things to go is the way they're destined to. The line blurs at some point and you end up going the wrong way unintentionally. I think I'd done that myself. Just as life was getting on track the line had blurred, now I was pondering over a guy who I barely knew.
"Anyone got anything fun today?" Taerae asked as he pulled his hoodie over his head.
I shook my head.
"I leave at lunchtime for a training course." Jiwoong replied.
"Nice," Taerae uttered as the awkward silence returned.
It felt strange that Hao's presence seemed to make such a difference today. Usually our conversations flowed much easier.
"Where's Hao?" I suddenly asked before I could stop myself. My mouth was working faster than my mind, my heart at the epicentre of the slip up.
Jiwoong sighed as his face seemed to sour. He pursed his lips and spoke with reluctance.
"Not sure, he didn't come home last night..."
I turned to face Jiwoong with curiosity evident in my expression.
"He didn't? Is he okay?"
"I'm sure he is, he does this a lot."
"Why did he leave the house in the first place?" My questions continued.
"We argued- anyway, it's our business I won't bore you with it." Jiwoong laughed awkwardly. He was brushing it off. It didn't seem like he didn't want to talk about it, more so that he couldn't. Or at least something was holding him back from saying anything about it. I let it go, grasping my phone from my bag and shutting my locker.
"See you guys at lunch then." I announced before I left, letting the glass door swing shut behind me.
As I walked down the stairs I pondered on Hao's disappearance.
Matthew was gone all night too. But I guess Hao had his own reasons and unless he was the one who broke into the gym I don't see any reason why the two incidents would be connected.
I let go of the thought, trying to just forget about Zhang Hao. Why was he stuck in my head? I just wanted to scream, tell him to get out. What had he done to me?

Friday dragged on. I only had one class and waiting for the time to pass felt draining. For a while I lay on the hard wood floor of my studio and let the sunlight cascade over my body, enjoying the warmth.

When lunch rolled around I sat in the lounge alone for what felt like a long time until Kyungsook eventually joined me.
"Where are the others?" I asked curiously.
"Talking to Mrs Kim. There's been an issue with Hao again."
Again. I thought. It was always that feeling that everyone else knew something I didn't. This mysterious aura surrounding Hao was something only I seemed to feel because everyone else knew. That was the most tantalising thing about him, I wanted to understand every nook and cranny of his being and mortal soul. But why? I caught myself in this daydream once more, thinking of him yet again. Was I going crazy? It sure felt like I was.
Kyungsook and I sat chatting about work whilst we ate our lunch together alone. I felt the urge to ask.
"Do you know what the issue with Hao is then?" I questioned, feeling her peering into my interest as she took a bite of her sandwich.
"Mm, he gets stressed quite easily these days because of you." She spoke indifferently.
"Me?" I quickly returned as the knots in my stomach tightened. What did any of this have to do with me?
Have I done something?
She nodded to my retort and sighed.
"I'm not sure myself but I overheard Taerae talking to Jiwoong this morning. I would've thought you'd know something about it. Apparently you guys had a crazy accident together about a year or so ago."
It felt like my world was spinning, so fast that I couldn't grasp a single image in still frame. Blurs of light and colour as my throat clogged with sick.

An accident.

What kind of accident?
Why didn't I know?
And when was I involved with Hao?

People say accident when a child makes a mistake that causes a problem for others, but usually easy to fix. In other instances 'accident' is  used to describe car crashes, or falls. When people get into accidents it usually means pain. I couldn't in my full conscious mind recall meeting Hao in a time before now and certainly not getting into an 'accident' with him.

My mind flickered straight to Matthew, surely he knew, surely he would've known.

I could hardly wait to go home, listening to the clock ticking felt like I was trying my fate being strapped to a bomb. The bomb being my emotions as I concocted limitless possibilities of the situation I could've found myself in where I'd been hurt with Hao and never remembered it. I could hardly even comprehend the concept.
Finally once the big hand on the clock struck five, I dashed out the doors with my things, without saying goodbye to anyone at all.
I took a cab home. Matthew wasn't at work today, I had to speak to him as soon as possible.

Hao's face spun around in my head, taunting me as my stomach knotted up again.
I payed the cab driver and went to go into the apartment before I felt my feet plant themselves in place.
Matthew stood with the open door as he spoke to that taller boy with the fluffy chestnut brown hair. I wasn't sure whether it was just placebo affect but something about him seemed almost like Deja vu now, a recognition of something forgotten to me.
Matthew's eyes moved, soon enough catching me as I stood with complete vulnerability. This purgatory with Hao had begun to feel like hell, at least in my mind.

"Hanbin..." he uttered.

Hey guys!!! Shorter chapter this time but I promise I'll get back on it soon. Life has just gotten in the way recently. Let me know what you think of the plot so far!!!

- author 😝