-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

-^* 14 *^-

"Hao I promise you, it wasn't like that at all. If I'd have known he liked me like that I would have told him no then and there."

-^* Are we clear? *^-

I sat in my bed the next morning and stared out of the window. I felt empty. I knew Gyuvin too, what more could I possibly uncover?

Then again, that was the aim of today, to make me understand fully.

I got ready on autopilot, going through the motions of the morning. Breathing felt like a task at this point.

I sat on the bus, my head leant against the window. Running away was on my mind. I could just leave and never return, live by the sea alone for the rest of my life. Then again, I could never leave these people here. Hao, Matthew, Gyuvin, even Jiwoong and Taerae. They meant too much to me, far too much.

My head was hurting.

I arrived at work slightly late because of traffic, everyone had begun their work already so I headed into the locker room and got ready alone. When I walked out, Hao stood in front of me, looking at me partly with worry, partly with some other emotion I couldn't understand. Pity? Sadness? Who knows.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes to wake myself up.
"I need to talk to you and Gyuvin later." I explained, too exhausted to beat around the bush anymore.
He nodded slightly and continued to study me.
"You look tired..."
"I am tired."
Without another word, I walked away, down the stairs towards my studio.

I sat against the mirror again, finding myself drifting in and out of a sleep-like state where my mind couldn't rest yet my body couldn't take being awake anymore.
Laying there, memories of Hao were stuck in my mind, every time I'd been rude to him was swimming around my brain to taunt me.

"Hanbin? Are you okay?"

I sat up, still dazed as my vision began to slowly come back. I turned my head to the door, spotting Taerae propping it open with his foot. He seemed concerned. I suppose I would be too if I saw him like this.
I was on the edge of another episode. I could feel it coming on.

"Just rest for a while, you seem exhausted..." he sighed as he set me down on a couch in the staff lounge, placing a cold compress on my forehead.
"Thank you, Taerae."
"Don't worry about it, you seriously don't look well. Maybe you should go home-"
"No-" I suddenly raised my voice, sitting up and feeling my vision deteriorating again.
He rested me back down. I couldn't leave now, I was so close to finding out what I needed to.
"How about this, if you have something to say to those two I'll pass on the message...but you seriously can't stay here like this..."
I heard the door swing open as a blurry figure walked over.
"Is he okay?"
Taerae shook his head.
"Do you have his roommate's number? He needs to go home..."

Taerae left the room on the phone to Matthew as the figure sat beside me. I knew it was Gyuvin from his voice, but his face wasn't visible to me as I lay there. He sounded worried though, I could decipher his expression just by the wobbliness of his voice.
"What's wrong...?" He asked.
I sighed, shutting my eyes.
"I feel trapped..."
He sat silently and listened to me.
"It seems like that one year of high school is hindering everything in my life. How can I know I love someone yet not remember how I fell in love with them? What kind of joke is that?"

I ended up back at home in less than an hour.

Gyuvin never said another word to me, he simply took me to Matthew outside and let me go with no more than a sorry wave.
Hao on the other hand was no where to be seen.