-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

~^* Hao perspective *^~

HAO POV:
It felt too good to be true that he didn't hate me. I'd done too many things wrong here to deserve that kind of reaction. But it was him. Of course he would forgive me, he'd always been that way, so happy and lovely towards everyone no matter what.

At work, a few days before it all came to a head, I decided to talk to Taerae about my situation, explaining it all and asking for advice. Taerae snapped at me. I suppose from an outsider perspective I was horrid and selfish, I agreed with that perspective. I'd been losing sleep over it all these years, drowning in the guilt. Taerae said it was far too late and that I should let him live peacefully rather than dragging all my mess back into his life.

That night I walked out of the house after a long argument with Matthew and Jiwoong. I spent the night walking around Seoul, thinking. Matthew was unsure, Jiwoong on the other hand said I was being totally out of order and should tell him now before it would affect him even worse than it already was.

Once morning rose, I went home and texted Jiwoong to say I wouldn't be at work. I spent most of the day crying until I finally got myself together and left the house. I was more than apprehensive to tell him now, so I walked to their house whilst Hanbin was still at work to talk to Matthew again as he had taken the day off work aswell. That's when Hanbin turned up.
"Just go...I'll talk to him..." Matthew whispered. I left reluctantly, avoiding his gaze as I did.

"You didn't tell him?" Jiwoong sighed as I walked through the front door in floods of tears. I shook my head and fell into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder as he consoled me. I deserved everything I felt right then, I was facing the consequences of not staying by him after I'd caused him all that pain. Maybe if I'd stayed in that hospital for a few more days, if I'd told him about what happened then and there we'd have been back to what we were and all this would have never happened.

"Just leave it alone for now, go and talk to him tomorrow morning..." Jiwoong uttered, sitting beside me on my bed. I nodded and lay down. I'd couldn't sleep that night, recalling my memories of Hanbin before the accident. I wanted that time back, I wanted to see the recognition in his eye when he saw me that he had before. Thoughts like that lead me to scraping through all of our pictures together that I'd kept hidden away in a box for so long.

That morning I made my way to their apartment, but when I got there, it was empty. We didn't have work today, where were they?

"Hanbin's in hospital," that's all I heard when he called. My heart was pounding. I rushed over there, it was an out of body reaction. I kept moving despite how tired my limbs were and how heavy my eyes felt.

I hated it. I hated it so much. Being back in a hospital to see the consequences of what my actions had done to him for the second time. I was reliving it all. Staring down at him in that bed again. My body felt so weak, I felt so vulnerable. That was, until I met his eye for the first time and there was recognition.

He knew me.

This wasn't the same as those years ago. Even if he didn't remember us, there was more in his gaze than back then, he felt something when he saw me.