-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

-^* 4 *^-

I feel like I'm forgetting something...something important...

~^* Are we clear? *^~

HANBIN POV:

The night was long. I stared out of my window for a long time in deep thought. What could possibly set me off like this?

"Hanbin? You up?" Matthew's voice freed me from my thoughts, the same thoughts that hadn't let me rest all night. I finally took a deep breath, after too many quick and painful ones.
The door clicked open and a trail of warmth from the rest of the apartment seeped in.
"Did you leave the window open?" He asked, shuffling in and clambering over my body to the window, yanking it shut as I remained unmoving. I kept my gaze on him, lifeless and thoughtless. I felt empty, like a corpse with so much energy trapped within my useless body.
"You look sick, you're all pale. I'll call in work for you, just stay in bed for now." He sighed, grasping my phone from my night stand and wandering out of my room. The door stayed open, I heard him on the phone to Jiwoong.
"He's not able to come in today, he struggles like this sometimes and it's been triggered by something. He should be back in no time."
Usually he would lie, but it seemed my condition must've been worse than I knew. I hated it, this feeling of entrapment in my own body. Everything was limp, I sat in my bed, cold.
Matthew returned and placed my phone back down.
"What happened, hyung? Nightmares?" He sat beside me on the bed and leant his head on my shoulder.
I couldn't even speak. I wanted to. I wanted to say I was fine and get back to it. But I couldn't.

Matthew left for work not long after. I was still numb, but my thoughts had calmed down and I could finally get out of bed. I made my way to the kitchen, taking a glass and pouring some water from the sink into it. I set it down on the counter and stepped back, staring into the water at my own reflection.
What morbid fascination was this? I was torturing myself with the thought of drinking the water, yet I was using it to stare at my own reflection instead as my throat slowly became dryer. After a while I sat down and drank the water. Seeing myself like this was worrying even for me, I felt horrible thinking about how Matthew must've felt. He saw me at my worst back then, it was surely painful to see it coming back now.

The day went by slowly. Too slowly.

Finally I decided to take a walk once Matthew had returned home. He said it'd be good for me, and let me go. I wore my pyjamas, I enjoyed how the fabric felt against me as the wind blew towards my body. Windy days like this were always a nuisance when I was younger. I didn't like how they'd mess up my hair. He always said my hair looked good anyway, but I relentlessly sprayed more hairspray on it even though it made me cough. Nowadays I like wind. It's therapeutic to some extent, the feeling of it against numb skin. It's like an ice bath or a huge cold compress.
"Hanbin?"
I stared in front of me at the familiar figure of Zhang Hao. My face remained unchanged as he stared back. His expression wasn't quite readable from a distance, the quirk in his eyebrow made him look almost confused or frustrated. Typical.
"Where were you today?" He questioned quietly, sensing something wrong with my demeanour. He wore that same white puffer and pink pyjama pants. His hair in those clips that kept it out of his face. He held a plastic bag in one hand and his phone in the other as if he'd just gotten off a call.
"Sick." I replied hoarsely, feeling some tension within me relieving as his gaze softened. He took a step forward.
"Has something happened?"
He was awkward, nervous. It was as if he'd never attempted this sort of comfort before. He bit his lip and placed his phone in his pocket.
"I had a fever."
He nodded, seemingly knowing it was a lie by the way his lip twitched.
"Will you be at work tomorrow?"
"Probably."
He nodded again. I gulped. Every second I spent with my eyes on his, I felt a layer of stiffness peel back. I could now feel the real coldness of the air against my skin.
"Are you cold?" He glanced down at my bare arms, his bottom lip pouting a little.
"I'm fine," I replied, my eyes still on him, unmoving.
He could sense it, I saw it in his expression. He knew I was off yet he didn't bother to say anything about it.
"I heard a new class of yours saying that they were sad they couldn't meet you today, they must've been excited." He smiled slightly. I nodded and let the corners of my mouth stretch up slightly.
Hao's voice was shaken, nervous, he stood on a slant and rustled with the plastic bag in his hands, messing with the handle between his fingers.
"Sorry if I seemed grumpy towards you...I don't mean it..."
It surprised me for a moment, those words. Hao didn't seem like the type for this sort of thing. Pleasantly surprised, I finally smiled, feeling the last layer of stiffness break within me.
"It's alright, I kind of just thought you didn't like me that much..." I confessed.
He shook his head.
As he went to speak, he was interrupted by his phone. There was that ringtone again, 'You calling my name' by Got7. How cute.
I smiled as his cheeks blew up in hues of pink, his eyes widening as he ripped his phone from his pocket and wavered before answering to make the noise stop.
"Hyung! What!" He whined, this tone of his voice completely foreign to my perception of him. I loved it, his mystery was wearing away once again.
"I'm just coming home with our noodles- yes- I just-"
He sighed for a moment and listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.
"Alright whatever, I'll be home quick."
He hung up and let out a deep breath, his cheeks and ears still shining red.
I giggled and stared at him intently.
"I should change my ring tone..." he whispered to himself, just loud enough for me to hear it.
"Jiwoong's waiting for you, you should head home." I teased. He nodded reluctantly and turned.
"I'll see you at work tomorrow then?"
I nodded and waved to him as he left.