-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

-^* 11 *^-

I sat at a table and she returned not long after with two iced americanos.
"So how has work been? It's weird not having you here all the time~"
"It's okay, I enjoy teaching the kids." I replied, feeling an awkwardness between us.
She knew she was keeping things from me, and I knew about the things she didn't want to tell me. It felt strange, like I didn't understand my own mother anymore. I couldn't grasp why she wouldn't tell me. Despite the fact, I was happy I was seeing her.
"That's great! I told you you'd get back on your feet!"
I chuckled and nodded.
"Yeah, I suppose..."
"Is something bothering you, Hanbin?"
She stared at me, her eyes full of worry.
A second went by as I debated telling her.
"No, I'm okay, just tired..."
she glanced down for a moment and then back up at me.
"Did someone say something...?"
"About what?" I sighed.
"You're looking at me as if I've done something wrong, did you meet him again?"
I stared at her, biting my lip.
"Did you find out? About the accident? Has Zhang Hao been around you...Matthew was supposed to tell me if anything happened."
There it was, she gave in.
I kept my gaze unmoved, slightly narrowing my eyes.
"Did he bother you at all? Zhang Hao I mean..."
"Why didn't you tell me in the first place? I can somewhat understand Matthew but you're my mother, you should have said something."
"Sweetheart, after that argument about going to China I thought you'd take off at any moment if I told you what happened, especially since Hao had completely abandoned you instead of taking responsibility for what he did."
"What do you mean taking responsibility?"
"From how I see it, this friend of yours was trying to drag you off to a completely different country and then pushed you down the stairs when you finally said no. I tried to report it to the police but Matthew stopped me..." 
It was hard to argue with what she was saying because I didn't know myself what I was thinking back then. I'd like to trust what Hao told me, that I really did want to go with him.
"Either way, I didn't tell you for your own safety. You managed to do your exams again while you were a barista here, you lived peacefully without him around bothering you and I made sure that your school didn't know the full extent of anything so that no one from your classes would mention it to you and resurface any bad memories during that difficult time."
I took a sip of my coffee and let my shoulders relax slightly.
"It's just all a bit too much. Hao avoided me all this time out of guilt while you can barely stand the mention of him...I just don't know what to think..."

"What you think is your decision, I can't dictate that. As much as I want to protect you and tell you to stay away from him, I can't. I wanted to like Hao, I really did, sweetheart. But I can't stand the fact that he left the way that he did. Had he stayed by your side after the accident things may have turned out differently." She sighed, "have you talked to him then? I assume you have,"
I nodded.
"If you're still as headstrong and obsessive as you were back then, I imagine you've already become attached to him again." She chuckled half heartedly.

Attached was certainly the word I'd use. Even now, on my day away from it all, I'd ended up talking about him, thinking about him. He permeated my whole being. Not talking to him was really doing me some damage. I don't think I could rest until I spoke to him again.

Me and my mom talked about other things for a while, and I left when she had more customers start to arrive.

I took the bus home, Hao still buzzing around in my mind. The bus was humid, warm air blowing in through the windows as the afternoon wore thin. I leant my head against the window, watching the passing buildings and cars until the bus pulled into my stop.

I walked up the street towards my house, feeling myself becoming tired with the excessive thoughts in my head. It ached. All these thoughts were becoming far too much.
As I felt myself become lightheaded, I heard a familiar ringtone.

That Got7 song, echoing quietly.

I turned my head, seeing how he stood about a meter parallel to me, facing like he was walking the other way. How had I not seen him walking up here? Was I really that out of it?
He stared at me. His were eyes bloodshot and damp with tears. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, declining the call incoming from a combination of Mandarin characters that I could not read. He sniffled, placing his phone back in his pocket and looked forward.

I think my body was working faster than my brain, or rather my heart was racing against my thoughts and had won by a long shot. He went to walk away, but before he could I quickly grasped his wrist and pulled him back. My chest was heavy, looking into his eyes which began producing tears in rapid procession. I knew I was probably the reason he was so upset. If it was Yuxuan I might have gone and found him then and there, but the look on Hao's face told me that it was my fault. Which, as much as I'd knew I was upsetting him, seeing it now in person killed me inside. Why did he look so pretty when he cried? His bottom lip quivered as he took a shaky breath.

"Why did you stop me..." he managed to say through his sobs.

"I missed you..." I muttered under my breath, pulling him a step closer to me.