Chapter 1|I'm growing on athletes foot

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Look, it's Alex Pettyfer! Honestly guys, I don't know what the hell he's wearing but what does it matter, he looks better without clothes anyway. Screw clothes, I choose freedom!

Oh yeah, Alex is Ryan.


This is my first book, so it probably sucks. Just a warning.

I own all of these characters. Blah blah. For obvious reasons, if you feel like stealing any part of this story then please just don't.

There are references in this book that you may or may not understand, depending on your level of awesomeness.

And be warned, chapter eight is a disaster and I hate it with all my heart.

Read on!


"I have a very serious question for you," Tara grunted, obviously struggling to pull on whatever item of clothing was next in the pile of possible purchases.

"Hmm, what's that?" I asked, sipping on my boysenberry smoothie. The deal that Tara and I had was; she bought me food, then I went shopping.

She backed out of the fitting room with her ass sticking out.

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of what I was supposed to be looking at.

"Does my butt look big in this?" She asked, turning her head around to look at me, while wiggling her eyebrows.

To anybody else this would be a strange scene, but Tara doing strange things was more like a daily occurrence.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head.

"Well in that case, these are the jeans that I will buy," she grinned, straightening up and prancing back into the fitting room.

I shook my head. I worried about her.

After purchasing her jeans, Tara decided that she absolutely needed a donut. She doesn't even like donuts.

So I sat at a table in the food court and watched Tara flirt with the server at the donut place. She came back wearing a grin a mile wide with a brown paper bag in her hand.

She placed the paper bag in front of me and plopped into the seat on the opposite side of the table.

"So," I said, pulling the cinnamon doughnut out of the bag. "How was your encounter with the donut man?"

"I think I'm growing on athletes foot."

I almost choked on my mouthful of donut.

"Athletes foot?" I snorted, my eyes watering from breathing in the cinnamon.

"Yeah, that grows doesn't it?" She said, her forehead crinkling in confusion.

"Yeah it grows, it's just not the greatest analogy to use."

"What did I tell you about big words?" She said, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Oops," I grinned, crumpling the paper bag in my hand and finishing the last of my smoothie.

"How are you not fat?" She asked, eyeing the paper bag and empty smoothie cup as I threw them into a nearby bin.

"I love food and it loves me back," I replied.

"If I ate as much as you I would look like Tammy," she said, with a disgusted look on her face.


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