A Beautiful Nuisance(A J-Hope/BTS Fanfiction)

Chapter 17: Selfish

[Jae Hwa's POV]

Trying to ignore something that stands out is like trying to ignore something that goes against your moral. You just can't turn your back on it and let it be. But that was what I did. I remain on the other side of the sofa while J-Hope remain on his side. 

Though we were clear of our feelings towards each other, things somehow got even more awkward Or maybe it was just because we got caught hiding under the bed with me on top of him. We weren't speaking and was just trying to enjoy the random show that came on. 

My breathing remain short and unstable as if I just came back from a little run. I felt all awkward and jittery while he sat over there, looking all perfect. Maybe just knowing that he was here made me like this and the fact that he was studying me as if I was a work of art made me uncomfortable. 

"W-what?" I trip on my own word. 

"It's just...it's just a bit hard for me to comprehend that you're mine." J-Hope smile as he crawl over to the empty spot next to me. 

He leans in while I lean back on the sofa arm with both of his arms place too close to my sides. His smiley face illuminate with such brightness that it pretty much lite up the gloomy room. My breath was caught in my throat as our nose touches and he stare down at me as if I was his newly wed bride. I even found myself wishing too, that I was his newly wed bride until I realize something. 

This is all just dreaming that is not yet known to be true or not and pretty much a distraction from my real goal in life. HE is just a distraction from my goal. 

"I'm sorry." I said right before he could lean in any further. 

His sun-like smile fade away as he sat up, allowing me to sit up. He fiddle with his hands before turning back to me. His window-like eyes pierce through me with this intense fire that was never there before. 

"Please...don't make me regret this. I know you are scared of putting your effort into to something that could slip through your finger in any moment but...please..." He plead as he ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration. 

I bit my lower lips out of guilt and before I know it, I took a hold of his head so that our face was level with each other. My fierce expression came out without being ask to. I held him in place and made sure his gaze didn't wonder off but remain on me. 

"You're just a distraction..." I blurt out in a dead serious tone. "A distraction that I need to get rid of. You may make me feel great but you aren't good for me." 

My fingers loosen, letting his face go. Immediately, both of my hands comfort each other and made sure to hide their fear that wasn't there before. I try. I try to put meaning in those words that just came out of my mouth. But they felt all too hollow and too empty as they poured out.

"I have somewhere I have to be right now. So when you leave, make sure to lock the front door." 

I hesitated once I got to the door. I was hoping he would say something but within the little short amount of time, he had said nothing. He didn't even stop me too. I guess I should just keep my focus on what is important to me, right?

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After turning in the article, I decide to take a detour to avoid going home early even though the sun was threatening to set already. I need some time to clear my head. I thought I wanted this but then now I am not so sure. I want it but I also want J-Hope. 

I know...I could just work my way around and try to just keep both at my side but this job requires no distraction. It requires to much work to even have time to think about something else. I just won't have time for him and I don't want to waste his time on me when I don't even have it for him.