The one I want

17

I have planned how I am going to tell Stella I love her ever since my conversation with red that was literally 6 hours ago . I have asked for Bennett & Healys help to pull this off . Alex, Nicky , piper and red are in on it and Stella has no clue .

I have never done anything amazing for anyone . I haven't felt the need to , yeah I got good presents for my family but I never done anything extravagant because I was young and when i reached over 18 , I literally spoke to none of them .

I have also never felt this way about anyone in my life . Yeah I have loved someone but with Stella it's completely different . It's a love that makes you so happy . She calms me when I'm mad , my stomach erupts in butterflies every time I see her smile . She makes me feel alive . I don't know if there is any explanation to this love , it's indescribable .

"Are you ready?" Red asked

"No but I have to do this" I said prepping myself

Piper told me that stella missed me and she felt strongly about me , I obviously had to ask her because I don't want to do this for no reason .

"Dinner is served in 5" Nicky smiled

"I'm really doing this" I said shaking my head

"You love her , that's all that matters" Nicky said hugging me

"As long as she says it back" I said

"She would be daft not to"

I walked out to start serving food . The room was filling up with people but still no Stella . Alex smiled at me for encouragement , everyone else was clueless as to what was happening . I didn't want to tell to many people incase Stella found out , it is a small prison after all .

"What you all nervous for?" Poussey asked

"Nothing" and that's when she walked in with piper

I looked at her and my eyes locked on hers . I felt like time stopped . She managed a small smile and I returned the gesture . Damn just seeing her made me so nervous , my hands were sweating while serving food . I could feel my legs shaking and the butterflies in my stomach where fluttering .

"I don't know if I can do this" I said as I served piper

"Trust me , you can do it"

After serving everyone , making sure they were all seated . I took off my apron and hair net , along with my gloves . I'm really doing this , I'm going to confess my love to Stella in front of everyone . The guards knew what was happening so they knew not to tell me to get down from the tables .

"You ready?" Bennett asked

"As I will ever be" I smiled

I walked out into the canteen and made my way to a half empty table .

"Stella carlin . I am in love with you , I have been for a while , even in this short time . I can't deny it any longer . I can't not talk to you any longer . I am in love with every aspect of you , I love your smile , your stupid irritating laugh , your eyes . I never really knew what love was until I met you , as cliche as it sounds . I can't picture not being with you , these past few months have been amazing and I wouldn't change them for the world . I thought prison would be so hard but you make it easy and you make me forget that I'm locked up . I understand if you don't feel the same way as I am the biggest bitch you could ever meet but I am deeply and madly in love with you "

Everyone looked at me like I was mad but my eyes were on Stella , never breaking eye contact . She didn't move , she just stared and I knew what was coming , she was basically telling me she didn't love me through eye contact and my heart broke . She lowered her head and I stepped down from the table and hung my head in shame . I knew this was a bad idea , I knew it would get flung back in my face .

"No , no . You don't get to lower your head and not answer the dam girl . She just confessed that she loves you . She fought her fear and you don't say anything " Nicky shouted

"Nicky calm down " Bennett said

"How can you be so heartless , this girl deserves someone who will confess their love for her back . Someone who doesn't hang there head and pretend nothing happened . This girl is crazy in love with you Stella " Nicky said balling her fists

"Nicky please , let's just go" I said dragging her out the canteen

As we got further away I broke down , I broke down bad . I leaned against the wall and fell down . Tears were streaming down my face . I felt like my heart was in a million pieces .

"She doesn't deserve someone like you" Nicky said sitting beside me

I didn't answer , I couldn't . I just cried . I cuddled into Nicky and sobbed into her shoulder . I felt like such an idiot . Of course she doesn't love me , she never has . She used me for her own game . I'm so stupid , I should have seen this coming . Someone so beautiful loving me , that would be a joke .

"You know kid you're going to get over this . You're strong and I know you can move past this ."

I nodded , I couldn't find the words to speak . I didn't want to speak . I wanted to curl into a ball and cry for the rest of my life . Stella carlin you broke my fucking heart so I'm going to tear you apart . You're going to regret ever getting involved with me !

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What the actual fuck !! Stella is such a bitch ! Someone has to slap some sense into her !!

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