Haven Harbor • a.i. •

Chapter 23

"You know, for a short time after mom and dad died I was mad too." I said into the now tranquil air of Ender's room. I was sitting on the wooden floor with my back to the wall, rocking him back in forth in my lap.

"Why were you mad?" He asked, seeming a little shocked by my revelation.

"Same reason as you; because they left us. I was thirteen and stuck taking care of my five year old brother by myself. My childhood was over and I had to grow up and become an adult in a matter of minutes. I was in charge of you and a business and a house and it was a lot to handle, and I was so angry at them for leaving me alone that I didn't come to terms with the fact that they had died."

I let my head hit the wall lightly as I spoke. For a long time I had kept those feelings and thoughts buried deep inside me, but now that Ender was in the same position I was back then, they came bubbling to the surface.

"What made you realise they were gone? Like really gone?" His voice came out in mournful words as he asked questions no ten year old should ever have to ask.

"Your first day of school." I answered. "When I was that age mom had picked out my first day outfit, and then dropped me off at my classroom. But this time it was me dropping you off and picking out your clothes and filling out the paper work, signing my name as your guardian as well as your sibling. And I realised that from that point on I was responsible for raising us and keeping us alive because mom and dad were no longer here to do that for us."

He was quiet for a few moments as he let that sink in.

"But you're not mad now." He said finally.

"No. No, I'm not."

"Why?"

"Because I understand now that I cant control the fact that they died. It wasn't my fault, I had nothing to do with it, it was out of my ability to stop it. I know that they loved us with all of their hearts and they would have wanted us to keep going. I miss them terribly, but they would have wanted us to live our lives, so that's what I'm doing."

He nodded along as I spoke.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you." He apologised.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I yelled back, I don't like fighting with you."

"Me either."

We sat there a little longer, soaking up all of the emotions we had released into the world. Finally I spoke.

"Are you okay?" I checked and he nodded standing up.

"Yeah. I'm fine now. I understand that it was out of my control and I have to accept that they're gone and keep living."

The words that came out of his mouth made me beam with pride. He had quite the mature viewpoint for a kid and I knew he was going to be okay. We all had moments where we felt like the world was just falling apart but we got back up and kept going because it was either let the world crush you or survive.

I stood up too and pulled him into a hug.

"I love you." I kissed his head and he smiled back up at me.

"I love you too, Car."

I ruffled his hair quickly.

"Alright. So you still have dinner downstairs if you want it." I offered and he grinned eagerly.

"Yes, I'm starving." He said dramatically before dashing to the kitchen, me chasing after him.

After I had re-heated his food, we both curled up on the couch to watch cartoons while he ate. A Tom and Jerry re-reun was playing and I was only barely watching it, but the light from my phone kept distracting me.