The Summer Of Grey

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

One month later...

The past 4 weeks have been a blur. I have just kept myself busy with school and at home, anything to get Christian off my mind. I thought he would have called me a few days later asking me to take him back but he hasn't.

I just cant believe it's been a month since Christian broke up with me. I miss him so much. I keep replaying that night over and over. It doesn't feel real. I attacked Megan and even though she deserved it I feel guilty. I should've just stayed home that night and things could be so much different. I almost felt like I was looking to find fault in him. I wanted to catch him so I could say I'm right, and for what? I did this I pushed him away because of my jealousy. He admitted he was jealous too about Sean. Maybe he was right I was an emotional cheater.

I feel like I'm in a haze, nothing is real. I'm usually good at coping with loneliness, mostly because it's what I knew. My mom took me to see a therapist twice so far but I don't really like talking about this so I'm not going back. After having had Christian in my life these past 6 months plus the one month we've been apart, I finally let that lonely part of me go and it felt good to be in love and have someone to love me back. I had him to lean on and talk to and hold, plus we shared my most intimate moments together, he is my true love and now I feel empty and sad.

Part of me wishes I'd never went out with him so I wouldn't feel this pain but the other part is glad. Even though he dumped me the six months we were together have been the best of my life. I got to experience true love. I feel so sick now everything I do and see reminds me of him. I need him back in my life but I don't think he wants me anymore. Boys seem to move on easier they aren't as emotional. Ugh I sound like my mother.

I can't make him love me; if he wants me back I'll be here waiting for him. Please come back to me Christian, I love you.

I also feel like a bit of a stalker. I watch him at school I ride my bike by the gate of his community hoping he will be driving in or out and see me. I try to go and do anything I can just in hopes of seeing him or bumping into him.

I heard he went on a date last weekend with some girl Connor hooked him up with. Alexa told me she was really dumb but they kissed a few times and he didn't seem in to her. She said he asked how I was but didn't go on about me. He moved his seat in class away from mine. That really hurt but it's easier to focus on my school work without staring at him.

The school counselor made Megan and I apologize to one another and warned us that next time it gets physical that someone will be getting arrested.

I hit her first but she didn't press charges and is telling everyone she kicked my ass. I don't really care. She knows I knocked her ass out. I didn't have a scratch on me and she had a black eye for weeks.

I miss Christian a lot and I want to talk to him so badly. He passed me in the hall today and said hello softly and touched my cheek. I almost cried.

After school I saw him getting his car with some girl I didn't recognize and they kissed hello and I accidentally dropped my books all over the ground and just stood there. I know he saw me looking and he drove away looking sorry and embarrassed. I gathered up my books and walked to the bus stop holding back tears again. I was proud of myself for keeping it together but as soon as I got home I broke down and cried my heart out. Seeing him with another girl again hurt me so badly. I have to get over him.

This Saturday Drew starts his spring training. I usually go to all the games and practice games but I'm just feeling too depressed lately and I'm backed up on schoolwork. They will be gone all day so I have the house to myself till around 10pm. I miss the days when Christian and I would have been so excited that we had the house to ourselves and spend every moment having sex or fooling around.