Diaries Of A Directioner

My thoughts about life just are horrible, no one cares about me. My life is horrible, and some times i think to myself, id be better off dead. But i cant really get myself to do it, not again at least. Its hard to understand, but its not like you care right? I mean, no one does. I have no one.

My name is Tessa, im 17, and I have brown hair and blue eyes. I dont consider myself pretty, or skinny. I consider myself disgusting and worthless. No one understands my life anymore, everyone left the first time i tried to leave. I tried committing suicide on March 2nd, 2013. Everyone left me, alone, and confused. No one cared, why should i? I feel like im in my own world most of the time. No one tries to help me anymore, and I just cant take it. The feeling is horrible. And just to make things worse, i have to go back to school. Now, you probably want to know why i tried committing suicide, eh? Well here's what happend.

FLASHBACK;

"Tessa, you're the ugliest bitch I've ever seen. Have you ever thought about getting your face fixed?" 

My eyes flooded with tears, what the hell did i do to deserve this? Nothing. I left the classroom, and ran for the bathrooms. My friend Sarah happened to be in there. 

"Uh, hi." 

Sarah said, she backed away slowly. 

"Please, help me." 

I begged, i needed someone. And she was my only friend. 

"We cant be friends anymore." 

Sarah said, my heart dropped and more tears flooded to my eyes.  

"Ew, look its the skank patrol." 

Sarah sat there and watched Emma call me a bitch. I ran from the bathroom , and went home. I opened my laptop to find hate all over my home page, what did i do to deserve this? I slammed my laptop shut, i got up and started pacing. Painkillers. Painkillers. Painkillers. I ran to my bathroom, and pulled out the bottle. I sat there in frustration. I screamed. 

"WHY WONT THIS OPEN?!" 

I yelled, my mom came running in. 

"Tess! What the hell! Give those to me!" 

She yelled as she took the bottle from me. I cried. 

"Mom, i hate myself."  

She began crying. 

"No, sweetie. No you dont." 

I cried even more, she hugged me for 20 minutes. Then took me to a doctor. I sat there as he explained what was going to happen. I was going to a support group, and taking medication.

PRESENT;

And thats why im here today. All because i gave a fuck about others, and there thoughts. The only thing i care about anymore is how im alone. No one is here for me, and thats what makes things hard. If it weren't for me being tired of being alone, or just sick of myself in general, I dont think Id be here in this position.

Is it just me or is everything about me disgusting ? I hate this