The CARTERS- Book 2 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 21- She Want That Old Thing Back

Jay sat in front of me waiting for my response. I didn't no what to say. All my anger earlier would've fuel many words but now, I was lost.

"Bey you're gonna need to say something." He said folding his arms.

I sweep my hands down my cheeks getting raid of my tears. This topic always brought out the worst between us but to know after all these years with out realizing it I was destorying him.

''Its my fear Jay." I finally spoke. "I know our marriage is between us and what we want to do but I am scared because being in this life doesn't give us that choice. I want marriage and kids with you but with every step towards greatness I am losing myself and fear is taking over me. Marriage is serious. To both of us, but not to the world around us. No one respects it, no carries it with honor and pride. Its just a piece of paper and a change of name. Thats not what I want!" I said breaking down.

"What about us Bey?" He said moving towards me. "What about what we know we have and about what we know we want. Its been six years. This isn't something new to us. We didn't just appear here in the public eye with not knowing. So fear can't be the problem." He said going silent for a minute."Is it that you don't trust me?" He asked bluntly.

I paused for a moment wishing those words never came out of his mouth. Since a few months ago we've pushed past this, but now, we're back there again.

"Jay its not-" I attempted.

"Simple yes or no. Do you trust me?" He said sternly.

I took a deep and starred at him. I knew if he suspected a little bit of doubt he would become pissed of.

''I do!" I said truthfully looking in his eyes. "I never stopped trusting and loving you. Even when I had my doubts!" I said walking towards him.

"So what is real problem. You trust me, you love, you want me. But there has to be something holding you back. Why won't you marry me?"

"Because I don't want kids." I said. "I don't want to bring a child into this world to have them struggle in this life we choose. I will marry you but a child will not come; not now." I said taking a huge swallow.

I looked at Jay and his head turned away from me immediately. I knew he was disappointed but the look on his face showed a sign of disgust. I got up from the bed and stood in front of him. I lowered my head burying it in his chest.

"Jay talk to me!" I snobbed after the long pause of silence.

"Does this have anything to do with the way I turned out after my dad left. You think our kids will be the same if I leave?" He said turning to face me. "I'm not leaving a marriage or this relstionship if I feel there is still something there worth fighting for. I didn't fall for you because I wanted a good girl. I fell for you because I was broken and you were the one. I didn't want you. I needed you. We are too wise Bey to live in fear of the unknown. We can't stop ourselves from bring forth a child because of fear. Who knows, the kid could be just what we need to continue fighting." Jay said pulling me into his chest.

Nothing much could explain how I felt. It was like heading head first into a burning bush knowing you would be burn. No child should be the cause of a marriage staying together and no baby should be stuck between a couple thats always going to focus on their own careers.

"So what are we gonna do Bey?" Jay asked.

"We could try. I want kids. I don't want them in this world that we choose for ourselves but I want them and I want you to father them." I said truthfully.

Jay stood in front of me watching as my eyes dripped water. I hated the fact that every argument brought me tears. It was always something emotional but Jay was patient. Even when he samed like he was forcing; he was always patient and willing to understand. Maybe its why I give him any old excuse but I was starting to realize that any old thing he wasn't accepting.

"We'll find a way. We always do." Jay whispered kissing my forehead as he continued.

With all that went down in less than 5 hours, was draining. Jay wanted us to join the family on the deck for a late night snack and games but I was too tired.

I quickly took a shower throwing on one of Jay's shirt and crashing into bed. I laid on my side facing the door thinking about everything Jay said. I knew for sure, I won't take away his dreams or desires of being a father and I knew if anything, he would be a great father and he would do everything in his power to be a great a husband.

It wasn't that kids wouldn't be in my future but I needed time to think about the world I chosed to have a career in. No child should have to deal with being in the mids of criticism and verbal attacks because of who their parents are but Jay was right. That shouldn't stop me from killing my dreams of having a happy family.

I turned on my back as I heard Jay's voice coming closer towards the door. I starred at the beautiful view that our room had, smiling at how beautiful the water looked in the mids of the darkness that overshadowed it.

"Who's making you smile?" Jay said walking in with a bottle of champagne.

"Nothing. Just life. It makes you laugh even when you wanna cry." I said smiling at him.

"Am I apart of this thing call life?" He asked laying besides me.

"Your a huge piece of this thing call life. You make it happy, stressful and exciting all at the same time." I said turning towards.

"Thank You." He answered gladly.

The room became silent as I wrapped into his arms. For a moment we starred at the the ocean as we watched the boat drift further out. This wasn't Jay's favorite thing to do in the book but whatever made me happy he would do.

Wait..... What ever made me happy he would do. It wasn't just this. Many times before he could've left and walk out not wanting to dealing with my family, my friends, my sister or my nephew. Through it all he stayed and made it easy for me to bear. He was perfect. In every which way.

I turned to face him as I watched his eyes grow weary. Just thinking about his scarifices for me made me realize that I was in some ways selfish. I bend and break my back for my family but the man that was willing to do it all for me suffered trying to figure out if he was good enough. When it came to him, he was right; I was selfish.

"Jay?" I said causing his eyes to twitch.

"Hmmm.." He said.

"Before 2010. I'll marry you and we'll start a family. I promise you that." I said causing his eyes to fling open.

"What?" He said inching up on his elbows.

"I'll marry you. Without question. I'll marry you." I said truthfully as we starred at each other smiling.

Men where built. Women, we were made. Women can be torn apart and sown together; but men, once they are broken, in some areas, it takes a life time to repair. Knowing Jay he would always feel like his father unless he got a chance to make it up to a kid of his own.

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Hello My Faithful Readers, I got a surprise. A surprise that is a new book! Its called "That Girl". You can check it out under "works" on my profile. Read and Comment. Let me know what you think and NO an additional book won't slow down "The Carter's: Love x Music II updates. I am good at multi-tasking and I am willing to do whatever is in the best interest of the readers.