The CARTERS- Book 2 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 20- You Are The Welcome

BEYONCE POV

I heard Jay's foot steps behind me as I held my head down walking towards our bedroom. I tried my best to avoid any eye contact with the staff or my family because unlike him, I didn't want people all up in my business. I opened the door to our bedroom and slammed it in his face just I saw him approaching.

What he said to TYTY kept ringing in my ears and with every repeat of word it stung me deeper.

"She's so selfish and its irriating the fuck out of me." I repeated silently as grabbed a handful of napkin for my face.

''Bey." Jay said holding my waist.

"Just leave me alone please." I said snobbing.

"I'm not leaving until we speak.'' He said.

"You should've thought about that before you involved your friend and vented to him." I said angrily.

"I didn't mean it. I- I..." He attempted to say.

"You was what? Uh? Angry? Upset? Pissed off? Irriated?" I said above normal tone. "Because thats how I am feeling now but I didn't run to my mother so that I could talk about you." I said.

"I'm sorry Bey." He said.

'Just leave please. Get the fuck out and go." I said getting upset.

"Bey.." He said stepping back from me.

"Get out!" I said loudly shocking him by the way I raised me voice.

He exited the room and immediately I made a dash for the door locking it. I could've been called everything else in the book by anyone but to hear Jay call my selfish was another level. Everytime this same stupid topic about marriage and kids came up we found ourselves in a bind. I hated it. Even worst, I hated that we had to deal with it around our families.

I sat in the bed thinking about the many things I gave up to and for Jay just because of love and trust. There was no denying that I only saw myself marrying him but just not now.

It might same to long for us to just be dating and living together but marriage was something I took seriously. In this world, it was impossible to survive without drama. This world of fame came with its own fair share of shade at every aspect of life.

Marriage was my final act to seal my love for Jay because to me it meant forever. I didn't want to get myself into forever when the possibility of our forever being unhappy and draining. Marriage in this world and time is hard to enjoy, you fight so much to keep a marriage that you hardly find time to enjoy it.

I didn't want that. I don't want to find myself battling with the media, women who found it attractive and proud to try fuck with married men and then my family pushing their fingers in my face. In all honesty, I was afraid; and without marriage, there was not going to be a baby.
I wasn't about to get a kid tied up in all the drama of our marriage and life that we chosed.

"Bey. Dinners ready." Jay said from behind the door.

"Didn't I tell your ass to get away!" I yelled.

I didn't hear him anymore but I could tell he was still there. I got up and went in the bathroom washing my face with cold water to get raid of the heat my face had developed. I sat in the bathroom for a little while thinking about how much longer of this conversation I'll have to bare before Jay understand or before he decides to walk away from us and what we had build.

It was a little after 7 and I was hungry. As much as I didn't want to mix with Jay just yet I had to. My stomach was growling. I unlocked the room door, making sure he was no where in sight as I made a dash for the kitchen.

"Hey good night." I said to one of the staff memebers on the yacht.

"Good night Mrs. Carter. How may I help you." The friendly girl asked.

"I'm NOT a Carter!" I corrected her.

"I'm sorry madam." She replied.

"Its-" I attempted to say.

"Its okay. You can call her by the last name." Jay said walking up behind me.

"Okay then. So what can I assist you with?" She proceeded.

"Nevermind. I just lost my appeitite." I said annoyingly as I attempted to walk away.

"Get her something to eat please and a bottle of wine." Jay said stopping me in my tracks by holding me close to him.

"You still mad at me?" He asked pulling me into him.

I stood there in silence as I rested upon his warm thick chest. As much as I wanted to pull away I couldn't. He had a point about me not understanding his point of view and I had to resepct that.

"Bey. I am talking to you." He whispered to me.

"Here you go Mrs. Carter." The lady said.

"Thank You." I said as I walked towards her gathering my food and taking a seat at one of the tables on the deck.

I wanted Jay to leave me alone so that I could be mad at him for a while but his presence was my weakness.

"Bey, can we talk?" He asked taking a seat besides me. I didn't bother speaking because now was not the time, here was not the place and I wasn't in the mood.

I continued eating the meatloaf and mash potatoes as I tried to ignore Jay.

"Can you atleast let-" He started.

"Can you atleast let me finish eating? Damn!" I said causing him to pause.

I continued eating my food for a short while before Jay pushed the food tray away from me.

"What is your problem?" I asked annoyed as I starred at him. He got up pulling my chair from my table."What are you doing?" I asked shocked.

"Get up. You on some 16 years old shit." He said dragging me to my feet and leading me to our room as easy as possible. "You can be mad at me all you want but you are not going to act fucking childish when your dealing with a grown man and you are a grown woman dealing with a grown ass relationship." He said forcefully as I walked behind him to our room.

I took a deep breath realizing what I just got myself into. We walked into the room closing the door and locking it. Jay pulled the curtain down after doing a quick check in the bathroom and closet.

"Look, I'm sorry for going to Tyty and expressing myself to him when I should've came to you. I'm sorry for making you feel angry, but I am not sorry for the way I feel about your response towards marriage and kids. We've been at this for three years now Beyonce and everytime your answer is the same. Every year we get stronger and wiser but you feelings towards those things doesn't. Why? What am I not that you want me to be? What I am not doing right?" He said pacing back and forth as he spoke to me.

I took a seat on the bed as I listen to him carefully. I couldn't even be mad at him anymore. Guilt was taking over because it was obvious I made him feel he wasnt good enough.

"Its not you Jay." I said softly causing him to stop as I wiped the tears that escaped down my cheeks.