No Homo?| [CaKe: Cara and Kendall] | LGBT GXG |

8.

Cara's POV.

I walked back from the liquor store, bag of bottles hanging loosely in my hand. It had started to rain but I was far beyond caring. Rain clouded my vision and my beanie was sodden as well as all my other clothes, but I couldn't care less. People were hurrying around me, trying to get out of the rain to prevent getting wet, but getting wet was pretty much inevitable. A few people had umbrellas up but even they didn't look any drier than the rest of us.

I opened my front door and took off my hat as I entered, I went up to my bedroom and took off my wet clothes. The heavy downpour had turned into a miserable drizzle so I went out onto the balcony, in just my dressing gown, the one Kendall was wearing about a day and a half ago. I also took out my smoking tin. I rolled myself a joint and lit it.

I inhaled, and tried to let my feelings float off into the air like the smoke did when I exhaled. But that's the thing about feelings the more you think about them, the more you feel them.

The weed didn't quite cut it for me, I craved something stronger, but faint memories of my last encounters with hard drugs made me decide against trying to acquire some. I'd used up all of my bud and was now just sitting there, staring into the skyline trying to work out what to do with myself, I didn't know wether to call Kendall and try and get her back or wether it was helpless and she was gone forever.

I'm usually a very optimistic, hopeful person, I always try to hope for the best, but at that precise moment in time I felt as if all hope was lost and that there was nothing I could do for myself to make anything better. A brief suicidal thought flashed through my mind as I realised how easy it would be to off myself but I soon realised how selfish that would be.

I had people who love me and care about me, I'm one of the luckiest people alive and the fact that I was moping around even though I knew those things made me even more angry at myself.

I needed a drink, all my worries and emotions were piling on top of me and I needed a way to get rid of them. I pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and took a swig from it. It tasted vile but it was probably the quickest way to get smashed, I pulled out one of the bottles of wine and went down to the kitchen to get a straw.

The way I was drinking was getting more systematic, swig of vodka, sip of wine, swig of vodka, sip of wine. The more I was drinking, the more I was forgetting about my troubles. Soon enough the bottle of wine was completely empty and I was left sipping neat vodka out of the bottle, it left a burning sensation on my tongue and in my throat but I was far too drunk to care.

I pulled out my phone and started flicking through my contacts, I came across Kendall's name. I desperately wanted to call her and ask her to come back but I knew it would be no use, she'd only got on a plane a couple of hours and she wouldn't be coming back in a hurry.

I went out on the balcony, the air was warm again after the quick shower of rain and had developed a thick humidity. It was hard to breathe, but I managed. I sat on the railing, my legs dangling over the edge.

The sky was turning an extremely grey shade of blue and the few clouds were a deep pink colour, I could see the sun slowly going down behind the busy silhouette of the city. I thought about Kendall, I wondered whether she was sulking, feeling sorry for herself like I was, wether she was crying herself to sleep or wether she was just getting on with her daily life, glad she nipped it in the bud before we both got too serious.

I felt tears burn the corner of my eyes but fought them back, I wiped them with he back of my hands and swung my legs over the balcony's railing. I went back into my bedroom and began drowning my sorrows again.

I knocked back the drinks, no problem and only stopped when I physically couldn't any more. I picked up the empty bottles and put them into the empty bag, I carried them out into my garden. I pulled out the first bottle and threw it at the ground with such force that it smashed into a shower of shards around me.

I smashed the other bottles, my hands now a patchwork of blood and scratches. I didn't care. I didn't care that the slight drops of alcohol left in the bottle were slowly seeping into the open wounds, alcohol cleans wounds anyway but that was the least of my concerns.

I stripped off all my clothes and jumped into my pool, drunk swimming probably wasn't the safest thing a person could do but health and safety managed to slip my mind. I stayed by the edge of the pool and was getting rather cold, as it had long since got dark and was approaching the early hours of the morning.

I kicked off of the cold tiles of the pool and tried to swim to other side, my arms and legs turned into and uncoordinated clumsy mess as I swam. I realised, when I tried to go up for air how far under water I was, my hands grazed along the tiles on the bottom and I tried to push off of the floor.

After several failed attempts, I managed to break the surface with my hands and stay afloat long enough to get to the side. I sat on the edge of the pool coughing and spluttering, shivers shook my body. I stumbled into my living room and pulled the blanket on my sofa around my body, I was freezing cold and still shivering, the cuts on my hands were bleeding and it felt like someone had repeatedly jumped on my head, in shoes with knives on the bottom.

I gagged and threw up on the floor next to the sofa, I curled up into a ball. In my intoxicated state I was completely convinced I was still drowning. I began to cough again and every cough made my head hurt even more, I fumbled around for my house phone but couldn't see it in the dim light of my living room at quarter to one in the evening. I managed to knock a lamp off of a small table next to the sofa and also grab my landline off of the hook, as I did.

"I'm dying," I wailed to the operator down the phone, I tried to explain what had happened as best as I could,
"I tried to swim but forgot how and almost drowned and now I'm dying,"
"Cara have you been drinking?"
"Yes! Just vodka and wine though, my lungs are filling with water from the pool!"
"Okay Cara, try and stay calm an ambulance will be with you soon," m

I put down the phone, and curled up into a ball, the blanket wrapped tightly around my shoulders. My teeth were chattering together and my shivering had also turned into hyperventilating. I was sick in my carpet a couple more times until a mixture of dehydration and coldness, forced me into unconsciousness.