Save Me. [ in editing ]

Five

I couldn't help but think about the gig on Friday all day. I felt nervous, very nervous, I know it wasn't going to be like standing in front of a Warped Tour crowd, but still.

  "May!" Lily yelled, I looked up at her and blushed, "Could you mix these blues for me while I go and get purple and white paint?"

  "Yeah, sure," I picked up the two jars and set a glob of light blue and dark blue on the wax paper.

  We started on the partner project, Lily and I decided to paint a scene where a girl is sitting on a swing and looking at the dark sky. Our art teacher told us to paint a meaningful scene, but I wasn't so sure this would be meaningful enough for her.

  "Swing after the dreams in the stars" was our message for it for now.

  Lily returned with the purple and white paint. She picked up a thick brush and dipped it in the blue mixture I made. She started with the deep blue, then a mixture of the two, then the light blue, along the way she put some purple in it as I started on the black tree and swing.

  After awhile we had to stop and let it dry for the day. We waited a bit and I dabbed some white specks onto it for stars.

  "Wonderful girls, it's a beautiful start!" Mrs. Trey said to us.

  "Thank you," Lily and I said in unison.

____

  I remember when I was younger and my grandfather used to tell me I could make a difference. He said I had an artist's hand and a writer's mind and that I could do anything if I tried hard enough.

  I was always involved in the arts, I loved all of it.

  I was back at Chase's house practicing with the rest of his band. I had made a decal for the drum set in class today for him. The whole band ended up liking it and I took it to be printed on a fathead type of material. The kind where you stick it on, and you can take it off and reuse it whenever.

  Derek, the drummer, watched as I carefully put the sticker onto the front of his drum set.

  "I'm glad you guys like it," I said smiling.

  "It's pretty cool, it'll makes us look more professional," Chase said with a smirk.

  Fatally Ours was beginning to shape up, there was a gig tomorrow and another on Saturday. During class I worked out more lyrics to the song I was writing, I showed it to Chase and he absolutely loved it. So we were going to test run it today and I had figured out the other song I started on.

Why, do you say goodbye, to the good things in life?
Did you find out, that they're filled, with lies?
Dreams, will never be reality, so why try?
I, will, fall to my knees in sorrow
I could never keep my head (never, ever)
So why, try, anymore?
The floor, is soaked, with tears
Crimson blood runs down to my feet
Do you think, I made a mistake?
Stop yelling, it's hurting, I'll just cut it even more.
So why should I try, if I'll just get hurt every time?
So why do I try, try, try?

  We were figuring out a beat to the lyrics I had for the song, but we had to switch some of the lyrics around. The main concern for us was if it should be fast or slow? I was thinking it could be both. Start out slow, then build up to the fast part where it would be more of a message I guess.

  Chase thought the lyrics were deep and since we had experienced all the same hardships in life, he thought it would be a good song to get out there in the world.

  "Maybe this would work of the part that you say 'try, try, try', you say it with more feeling and almost in anger," He started to hit ones of the drums then another. It was building and I said the lyric again.

So why do I try, try, try?

  We started the song over and Chase chimed in with his electric guitar, then Ryan on bass, I sang and wrote down lyrics as they played. At some point Chase's parents came down with a pizza and drinks for us. The practice was a blast and we finally finished the two songs. We decided that tomorrow at that gig we'd do them first.

  At seven o' clock my phone buzzed to let me know I had to go home, Chase offered me a ride home but I denied him and told him I would walk home even though it was starting to get chilly. Plus I knew the way from his house to mine, and it wouldn't take forever.

  As I walked, I wrapped my arms around me protectively from the chill in the air. My bag was slung around my shoulder and I pulled out my small notebook and pen and jotted down a few ideas for lyrics.

You never know what's on the other side of the street.
When the street lamps don't work, the monsters lurk.
So empty your mind, it might save your lives.
On the street, in the dark, you'll never see who haunts you tonight.
The corner is dangerous, you're in for a treat.
If you get caught, you'll never dream of the good things.
So take my hand and we will run, we will run to The House of Hoots
Welcome to The House of Hoots

  I opened the door to my house and my ears were welcomed home with yelling. I didn't even listen until I heard something that hurt my heart so violently it made my blood run cold.

  "When will you understand you'll never be like your brother? I wish you were never my daughter, you will never be like him! You are a worthless and useless daughter!"

  He never brought up the topic of my brother. That was the first time since he died that he brought him up. I bit my tongue and started to cry heavily. My chest heaving I ran up to my room and threw everything aside. I pulled up my pant leg and grabbed my razor. I made 4 cuts on my ankle in shaky lines. The pain filled my head and the blood slowly came out, the numb feeling I loved so much consuming my foot.

Why did you have to go?
I said I loved you till the end
But you went and left anyways
Your body lay on the bed
Lifeless and totally plain
You let them get to your head
You let them take you away
How's the other land?
Does he care you did it unholy?
I'll miss you forever
I said I loved you till the end
Why did you have to go?

  Chase will be disappointed in me but I can't get better while my dad is still around.

~*~*~

Chapter Song: The Kids Arn't Alright by Fall Out Boy