It's All About Me[CHAENNIE]

44

Jennie suddenly realizes that she was the only one trying to maintain this ease. This realization acts like a blow, and she stops breathing. She was the only one doing it. She was the only one in this pair who did everything to create an atmosphere as if everything was normal. Of course, this is an illusion, but it seemed to her that Rose was also trying... or it seemed to her that she was helping Rose. No. Rose just endured it.

-Jennie.- The blonde says almost inaudibly, taking an uncertain step forward.

It seemed that Rose should only try to remind her of what happened, and Jennie would immediately go into confrontation, but no. This doesn't happen because she physically cannot look at Rose without a lump in her throat. Jennie really wants this to end. So that Rose doesn't look like that. Let her become bitchy, mean and arrogant again. Let her defend herself with a belligerent look, or let her fold her eyebrows and look plaintively — everything that happened before, but not tears. Jennie can't look at Rose like that. Everything inside her twists painfully, and a lump in her throat grows.

Jennie had only two people whose tears she couldn't look at. But she has known Rose for a little over a month, why is this happening? Why are her own eyes starting to water? Jennie is angry about this. She is angry at her weakness in front of this girl. She's mad at Rose for turning her into something small. Small and weak.

-I want us to separate.- Rose says in a hoarse voice, and Jennie involuntarily puts her hand on her chest, where she immediately squeezes painfully.- You said you could switch rooms with Joy.- Please.

Jennie looks at the blonde standing in the middle of the room in jeans and a bra with tears in her eyes. The whole defense against resentment immediately begins to fall apart in small pieces, and there is only one desire — to ask, to beg Rose to shut the fuck up and not do that. But Jennie is silent. She won't say that. She won't be able to.

-Why?- Kim says, her hands falling lifelessly on the windowsill.

-You know, it was easier for me in the beginning.- Rose rubs, and then squeezes the skin on her forehead. She goes to her bed and sits down with her back to Jennie.- It seemed to me that you were saying everything. I'm only now realizing how much it helped in communicating with you. I even realize that at some points I didn't specifically hide my reaction so that you would understand that you were right. Your guesses... I didn't want to do anything with some of them. When you said something... You claimed that I wanted you too. You stopped doing that. I was sure you were a very straightforward person. You stop doing that, and I find myself in a situation where I can't get anything to you. I can't say anything. Damn.

-So if I pointed out to you that you were angry because I was talking about Europe, then you would just have to keep silent as a sign of confirmation? Okay.- Jennie chuckles, lifting her feet onto the windowsill and hugging them. There is silence, but the girl is not going to be silent for a long time, she just needs to think.- You admitted it yourself, maybe I would have guessed if you had become angry at that particular moment, but you were unhappy all the time. You were rude at first, and then you just drifted away from me. You've made a sycophant out of me. Fuck, I'm exaggerating, but... I don't want to talk about it. Just tell me why I need to move out. And you know, there's a difference. I say what I want because I'm not afraid of the reaction. Whatever it is. It was like that with you only at the very beginning. I couldn't do it right now. I...

-I fell in love with you.- Rose blurts out quietly without letting her finish.

Jennie freezes with her mouth slightly open, and her arms tighten around her knees and press them to her chest. "What?" she almost asks automatically, but stops herself in time. She heard it. Jennie stares at the back of her roommate's head as her heart races. She hadn't even imagined it. She didn't even let herself think about it. Rose couldn't have fallen in love. And if she could? Kim tries to say something, but only moves her lips. What can she say? She has already confessed her love many times. Right now, she can only sit and be shocked. Or should she be happy? What to do?

-I wish you were in the other room before we leave. Jennie, I can't be with you. Please.

Jennie doesn't take her eyes off the eyes opposite.

-Okay.- She answers faintly.- If that's what you want.

-I have volleyball. It's so important to me. I... I need to stop taking the pills. My leg hurts all the time. And all this... And you... I...

-Rose, I get it. I understand. Okay. I'll leave tomorrow. It's already evening, I'm unlikely to be able to solve this now. I'll try, just calm down.- Jennie climbs down from the windowsill. She is kneeling on the bed in front of Rose and touching her shoulders. She doesn't know whether to hug her or just walk away, leave her. It is unclear what to do in such a situation.