Unrequited Love

62

"Are you alright, Fari?" Dana rushed to her friend's side.

Shay had long since driven off with her son Damien, but Faridah was still rooted in her spot, swaying gently with the wind as if she hoped it would sweep her away.

"I'm fine." Faridah blinked, sucking in loads of air. "I just need to sit down."

Faridah crumpled on the steps, looking so white like she'd seen a ghost.

"Fari, I need you to talk to me. You're scaring me. Who was that?" Dana had never seen that woman before, she searched her memories and came up blind.

Faridah didn't speak, her hands shook as she ran her fingers through her hair, gripping them at the base like a lifeline.

"Fari?"

"That might be my son."

Dana recoiled, falling on the step beside her friend. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Fuck! I haven't seen her in so long- how the fuck is this happening?"

Dana paused her visible mental breakdown. "Sorry. If I'm going to get this right, the woman that just left here with her son is who?"

Faridah shut her eyes as if she was willing away hurtful memories. "She is the older sister of my high school boyfriend."

"Your era of exploration huh?" Dana held one piece of the puzzle and sought for another. "And the story behind the boy?"

"Clarence and I were high school sweethearts- at least he thought we were. All I wanted was for graduation to finally be over so I could get the hell out of Alabama." Faridah shook her head, spreading out her fingers in front of her. "On the night of graduation, he asked that we make love like it was a step towards our future. I was leaving the next day so it didn't matter to me either way. It happened and deep down I was so glad it did, it finally struck me that whatever I was feeling wasn't a phase. I was never going to be the happy wife of Clarence Jefferson, holed up in the house, hating my unknowing loving husband for not being a woman."

Dana urged her on, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Freshman year, I was in a new country, I'd planned to party hard and I did. Booze, drugs, weed; name any stupid thing a farm girl wouldn't have done, I made sure to do it all."

Faridah chuckled at a memory, "My life changed forever one night, I was rushed to the hospital because I'd passed out in class and was bleeding profusely from my vagina. I woke up hours- or a day later, I never got the time straight. There were tubes everywhere, pumping or removing stuff into or from my body. I remember being scared, feeling weak and helpless."

"A doctor came by to talk to me, that was the moment everything changed. She looked at me for a good solid minute, and asked if I loved where I was lying down, asked if I knew my child was fighting for their life because of all the dangerous toxins I had taken into my body. She didn't give me the basic doctor bullshit, she made sure I understood how badly I had almost destroyed my life and the life of the innocent baby in my belly."

Faridah's eyes watered, but the tears stayed at the edges, refusing to drop. "I stayed in the hospital for two weeks before I was cleared to go home, I never forgot the doctor who changed my life and I knew the moment I walked out of those hospital doors that I needed to pull my shit together."

"Shay found me when I was eight months gone. I had always had a crush on her, she was way older than both of us and never hung out with us except she didn't have a choice. Shay was everything I wanted to be; sexy, confident, and gay."

"Did she take the baby from you?"

"No." Faridah wore a haunted look. "I gave him up. Shay stayed with me in Washington till I went into labor and gave birth. It was a learning period, we spent the majority of my free time together, getting to know each other. She never asked me why I left Clarence without a goodbye, she never made me feel stupid for my decisions, and eventually, I realized all that was a façade."