👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#42 My First Draft

👵》Cover / Title

I am not sure what the cover is trying to show? I can see a frustrated woman and a man. A woman frustrated with her relationship? I would say the cover could be improved because they don't seem to blend together and the title itself doesn't tell much or is interesting enough.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The main characters are introduced, and their situation is established, though I feel like the premise could be more interesting. I think you need to add stakes to the blurb, and maybe even conflicts they would face instead of leaving it to imagination.

👵》Writing Style
I think that the story could use some world building, maybe just a brief description to set the scene the characters are in. Though you portray the character actions and reactions in the scenes really well, though the paragraphs could be longer...and maybe more descriptions of the characters.

I think the way you write the sentences could be improved, I think some of the dialogue tags could be removed or changed so that it's not repetitive, and they should be after the character speech. For example, "I can't communicate with people." He protested.

👵》Plot & Conflict
The plot does start immediately, and it has more of a personal obstacle which is the main character's inexperience or disinterest with writing romance. I think it is good that the plot kicks off immediately but I hope there are more conflicts and stakes down the line to make the story more interesting.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Overall I think the writing style need to be improved, and the contents of the story need to have more weight, it doesn't feel like there is much going on in the chapters at the moment. But you definitely need to improve the writing style IMO, it is not very engaging right now because the basic mistakes stand out and mess with the reading flow.