👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R35 The Colony

👵》Cover / Title
I would say the cover and title could be better, they don't really generate much interest / intrigue for me personally.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb sets the circumstances in, introducing the characters briefly but somehow I found myself confused. Could definitely word it better / simpler to avoid confusion (The ones after Beth is pregnant). I feel like it exposes a lot but also not at the same time? I think it needs more context on evil council, tom and uprising in relation to Beth.

👵》World
There is a lot of world building early on, though there is a lot of telling and I think showing the world through the character's eyes would make for a more immersive read. The story could also use a visual backdrop for the locations that the characters are in, wait. Is the character moving from the first level to the third level? It doesn't feel like the character is moving from location to location, yeah, definitely telling I think. Even the library which is the main location of the chapter isn't described, I think having descriptions of the setting and vibe would do the story good.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I haven't reached the plot or conflict yet unfortunately.

👵》Characters
Beth's personality and thoughts are established, the character introduction could be improved through showing the backstory rather than telling them. (Tom) You could create a scene where Beth passes through a lab or just Tom walking past her, then give his backstory through Beth's thoughts, then moving the scene forward to other things/places.

The character's action, and description are good though I wish Tom is described as well as Hamilton was, he is one of the main characters isn't he?

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I can feel Beth's personality, though I feel the story does a lot of telling, working on showing instead of telling would improve the story in my opinion. As it is, it does feel like I am moving through a lot of texts but barely able to imagine a scene. The only thing I could imagine are the character's actions and words.

In my opinion, the story would need some kind of reframing, it feels like it starts too far from the plot and lacks the tension / hook to reel me into the story. Starting closer to the inciting incident might help, but I think most importantly is to write a more immersive style.