👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R41 Free Minds

👵》Cover / Title

Free minds. It does feel a bit generic, looking at the cover and title...I am thinking about Divergent kind of story about people who are against the status quo / brainwashing 😂 It is a cool cover though.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb sets the stakes clearly, but the doom is rather obscure, is it an apocalypse? A terrorist attack? Lurking evil could really be anything. But after reading the first two chapters I think maybe it is AI horror? Robot ends the world (School).

👵》World
Early on the world is set clearly, I immediately caught on that it is a futuristic world but I do feel that the story lacks description in terms of settings. I think having a bit of visual backdrop would do the story good...I have no idea how anything should look like.

👵》Plot & Conflict
The plot hasn't started by chapter two I think? The characters and their dynamics are introduced, the world but not yet the situation they are in (From the blurb it mentioned colossal doom?). I was waiting for the plotline to start but gave up.

I think the story could start closer to the inciting incident so that we could get to the plot, go through rising tension and stuff. Personally I feel the introduction dragged on too long for my liking.

👵》Characters
The main character doesn't need a lot of comments, the dynamic between her and the mother shows but I still wonder what the motivation was? It is hinted that she worked really hard to get in but not why? The character experience, how she doesn't belong is made apparent and the conflicts on a personal level is clear but the broader stakes of the narrative isn't felt early on.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Personally, the story gets confusing sometimes...it feels like there are certain scenes where it could be made clearer? For example...the Beth Simmons thing, I didn't know it was her being called out until later where she mentioned being made a public charity case and also saying fuck that bitch to the hologram. 😂

The character, her thoughts and interactions are good. I really feel like you flesh her out well but there is definitely a lack of tension / hook to keep the page turning for me, maybe because I was expecting the Doom but didn't have the patience to push through the introductions. Maybe a more concise introduction would improve the story?

Definitely feel like it should start closer to the memorable night. That's my thoughts on it! Good luck with your writing journey!