👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R5 Lacuna Obscura

👵》Cover
I think the cover is well-made, it feels creepy to me. Is that one of the demons they will come across in the story? Creepy as hell. 😂

👵》Title
Lacuna Obscura sounds nice, does it mean Dark Gap? So I am assuming the story has something to do with that further in? Because the cover focuses on the creepy figure but I don't see the dark gap, if what I think of it is accurate. Titles reflect the essence of the story, for example if a book title is "Good Girl Gone Bad" but tells a story about a Bad person repenting, it wouldn't be accurate. I hope you understand what I am saying. The same goes when choosing covers, It is a good title though.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb is okay, I think it is good enough of a hook and gives enough idea of what the story is about.

👵》World
I think the story can have a better description of the scenes, because I read through the first chapter and could not get a sense of the characters in the world due to a lack of description. I am not a fan of overly descriptive books but I feel this is too little.

And in the second chapter, you described the setting but almost too much. A wall of text describing the castle. 😂 I think it would be better to slowly reveal the layout of the castle as the character's explore it instead of just descriptions.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I didn't read too far into the story yet, but with what I read and from the blurb I think you have an interesting idea and concept that is held back by poor execution. But don't worry, practice makes perfect!

👵》Characters
I notice that you tell the character's emotion instead of showing it early, you wrote. "Amelia has been quite elated." You could show it instead, for example, "Amelia has been smiling a lot for the last few days." There are other ways, just imagine someone who is happy! What do they do? Do they sing when they are happy? Hum?

The character's physical descriptions are okay.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think that the writing style is kind of off, in terms of sentence structures and paragraphs that mess up with the reading flow. And there are some spelling errors in the first two chapters and texts that are confusing, for example. "To the many questions that lingered in his mind, were not answers, but only bafflement."

I think the story would be more engaging with better structure, writing style and how you phrase the words. I feel like it is hard to flow when I have to pause everytime I try to make sense of what you are trying to tell / show me, try to make it easier to read in my opinion. The story has potential, it just needs better execution. Good luck!