👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R13 My Summer Of Untold Truths

👵》Cover / Title
It's a nice title and cover, is the picture in the cover the location of a scene that is pivotal in the story? If so perfect. If not maybe make a scene using that visual backdrop, it has a summer vibe to it now I only wonder what untold truths there are to uncover.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb as I read it is a story about a girl falling in love with someone she shouldn't, hence the conflict would be internal (her emotions vs her mind) or exterior (Family / Friends), easy enough to understand and ends on a hook. Only complaint I'd have is the lack of information as to why she doesn't live like any other normal teenager? Is she a child soldier or something? And what bad reputation to be precise? I don't like vague.

👵》World
I think your story could use more visual backdrop, where are the characters? Who and what is in their immediate surroundings? Give me a vibe of the room they are in. For example you can set the scene like this. "I ran out of the room and into the kitchen, a small room with faded paint and a small wooden table at the centre. 'Did you pick up my package in town?" I ask my mom who is standing in front of the counter next to the small refrigerator, reading the bills in her hand.

"It's right here." It slides towards me as my mom pushes it, and something like that.

👵》Plot & Conflict
You introduced the characters and set up their relationships, started close to the plot as well which is good but I think you need to portray Taylors emotions more especially with Ezra because I just don't feel them when I read their interactions.

👵》Characters
The characters' appearances are lacking, I think you could describe them more but you write the body language and introspection in their interactions well.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think the writing style could use work because it feels choppy when I read it, too many short sentences that make me pause too much, disrupting the flow of reading and taking engagement away. And definitely put a space between the paragraphs because it looks so cramped my eyes hurt.

I might read further down if the writing style is easier on the eyes, so I only touched on what I noticed through my short read. The pacing is kinda very fast too, it feels like you're rushing through the scenes and not allowing the readers to immerse into the world as you skim through them. So maybe try to slow down and let the scene come to life more, it feels like a sprint!

Hope to read it again once the readability issues are out of the way, good luck!

RECOMMENDATION

I was too busy looking at Ezra, his wet shirt clinging tightly to his skin revealing the muscles beneath it, he sure looked like he works out but now I am sure. The pit of my stomach flutters as my gaze lowers down to his bulging abs, but I look away before he takes notice and a small smile escapes my lips. Would he even notice? I take another look.

My eyes widened, heart skipping a beat before it races, those beautiful brown eyes of his are already staring at me. I keep my smile that widens uncomfortably, the air stuck inside my lungs I had to consciously breathe under his stare. Gosh how does he make it so hard to breathe without even saying a word? He smiles back proudly, as if knowing that he had caught me taking another look at him.

And later you can add more to them.

I swim bravely towards Ezra, feeling like a fish swimming into the jaws of a shark in attempt to act casual and wanting to show that I am not interested in him in the slightest, a girl plays hard to get after all. No one would willingly approach their crush right? "Marco!" "Polo!" My eyes wide as his hand reaches for me with a smile, even if he realizes I am into him it is rather too early to be handsy, my heart feeling like it stopped beating for a moment. Did I give him the wrong signal? "Right here! Right here!" My jaw dropped as he yells, his arms wrapping around me and I squirm in them, heart racing faster than a bolt of lightning. And I am not sure if it's the idea of being tagged, or from being all wrapped up in his arms.

Followed by.

Jake tags me. "Well dang." I say as I turn around to look at Ezra, if he likes me he would've helped me avoid getting tagged right? "Thanks a lot." I roll my eyes to which he smiles, a charming smile that doused the anger burning inside my chest, and those eyes of his feeling like they are staring into my soul with a mischievous glint. Some people say that boys annoy you if they like you, okay stop it Taylor, stop with the wishful thinking.

Then.

I can hear everyone moving away from me, "Marco!" I yell, and everyone yells polo but my ears focus on Ezra's voice, turning towards it. "Marco!" Everyone yells again and I reach towards Ezra's voice but catches nothing, I repeat and get closer to his voice. "Marco!" I yell, "Polo." He whispers, my hand lunges forward, tapping him and I open my eyes. "Got you." I smile widely, I got my revenge and now he is it.

"Yeah, you got me." His voice barely above a whisper as he smiles, my lips part, cheeks burning as my heart trembles. Was it on purpose? Did he let me touch him? What is he playing at? "Payback time." Excitement in his voice as he winks, okay, we're doing this. No way am I letting him catch me.

Something close to that, let the scene breathe? It feels like you are rushing it hence not much room to really get a FEEL of it imo. Good luck!