👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R19 Out of the Shadows

👵》Cover / Title

Out of the shadows, the cover does feel shadowy. And it is in line with the story considering the main character loves going off alone in the dark, I thought he used magic to light up his hand but it's actually the glowing stone. Definitely feeling like the stone is important in the story.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb introduces the main character and states what his conflicts would be in the story, it foreshadows big things coming into the town and also hooks me in with the Darkness, and I am intrigued to know what powers he has on him. Druidism perhaps? Considering the thing with the bear.

👵》World
I think the world building is well done, even in the first chapter I already know that it is a fantasy setting and the scenes are described enough that I could imagine it. And I do feel like I am seeing the world through the character's perception instead of just what the world looks like.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I think it would be great to start early with the obstacles, portraying his difficulties in interacting with the people or bestfriend. Maybe even creating tension with the arrogant son of the merchant who bullies him for his insecurities, and maybe tie in the bestfriend into the ordeal as well. Maybe they both have a crush on her?

Reading the early parts it feels more of a boy who wants to prove himself and reconnect with his best friend more than him facing the difficulties mentioned in the blurb, but it is well-written, just not exactly what I expected considering the blurb. I think the early parts need to be stronger because as vivid as they are, I just want to move on to the next chapter and start the plot.

👵》Characters
The main character is introduced but no one else is in the story, and I feel the description comes too late in the story as a lot of things happened before I even know what he looks like. And there are not many characters that feel empty at first, but I can get a sense of the character's personality through your writing so that is great.

The actions they take in the scenes are clear as well, so painting an image is definitely a strong point here. And his reaction feels real, knowing better does not always mean doing the right thing in life and that is shown with his confrontation with the bear.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I do enjoy the world building and characterisation but the story lacks tension in my opinion, it feels like a slow start and I am impatient as a person hehe. I always love reading stories that are close to the inciting incident or even ones that start right on the action. So I think you write it well enough, but personally I think you could start on a better point in the story.