👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R16 So far away

👵》Cover / Title
The title fits the story, I am not sure about the cover though. Is it a love triangle? The cover is pretty. I will give it that. So the cover and title are okay.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb doesn't really provide enough information about the characters, and the story is them staying together through a debacle but what is it precisely? Too broad to actually hook me into what the story is all about. Cheating? Financial issues? Parents' disapproval? What is the main conflict? I think a stronger blurb might be needed to hook readers in.

👵》World
I think setting up the scenes would do good for the story, as there is no visual for me, the character is looking out the window but what does she see outside the window? The trees? People walking through the streets? A bird flying across or just the setting? I need to feel immersed in the story hehe. You do a good job of being in the character's head but don't forget to paint the world the character is in as well.

👵》Plot & Conflict
The plot of the conflict can be interesting, and maybe the starting point of the story is weak because it's more on backstory exposition. Starting at the inciting incident might be a much powerful start, so whatever debacle it is they are going to be in would be a good starting point. Tension helps with engagement, right now it doesn't feel very engaging.

👵》Characters
The characters could use more descriptions, the main character's thoughts and demeanour are conveyed well but I personally don't find her very interesting as a character, and her predicament feels lacking. Maybe I just can't relate to crying over someone I am not in a relationship with and falling in love over a follow. 😂

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
It has a lot of telling instead of showing, so there is a lack of immersion, you show the character's personality and emotions but it doesn't make up for the lack of visual setting in the story. For me, atleast. I think you need a stronger starting point in the story where the plot starts so there is tension from the get go, how they met could always be exposed slowly into the narrative. For example, they are both dating but it doesn't feel the same anymore and so every interaction brings her back to the past where he treats her like a queen rather than a nuisance.

Or she sends him a text and laments on how he used to make her smile before she sleeps, but now she has tears in her eyes and can't go to sleep. I don't know what the debacle you have in mind but starting closer to that point should give the story more tension / conflict I believe.