All Of You// JJ Maybank

33. im not going to kiss you

~bellas pov~
"What happened?" I ask once jjs in the car. "Nothing, let's go" he shrugs as if I didn't just watch him punch rafe.

"What did he say" I reach over and touch his arm. "Hes just dumb B" jj starts the car and puts it in drive.

"Jj please" I give him a small squeeze, trying to show him I'm serous. Jj takes a deep breath, almost like he's debating if he should tell me. "He said that your boobs looked good in your dress and he was wondering if I had anymore luck trying to sleep with you than he did" jj says this withxhis eyes glued to the road.

"Thank you for punching him" I rest my head on his shoulder as he drives. "What happened at the party B" he let's his hand rest on my knee.

"I was just so uncomfortable all night. He always had his hand on my lower back, he wouldn't let me out of his sight.  and he kept whispering in my ear. He knows I don't have feelings for him and yet he still kissed me.  I tired to push him away be he held me there, look there's marks on my wrist" I raise me wrists he can look.

Finger prints dot my wrist where he was holding me. "He kept telling me I needed to stay till the end of the party. I told him I was tired, that my feet hurt, and that I had a head ache and that I wanted to go home. But he said I could so lay down in his room if it was really that bad"  I try not to cry taking about it. 

"Bella" his voice is soft, like he's trying to apologize. "It's okay, I just want to forget tonight ever happened" I shrug it off. "You can't still be his friend" he shakes his head. "I know, I'm not. I just wish I knew why he switched up so much. I mean he's been nice, thoughtful" I shake my head, trying to connect the dots.

The rest of the ride home is quiet. I rest my eyes until jj pulls into the drive way.
Jj grabs blankets while I put a movie on. 

~
Movie is almost over and were still home alone. "Do you know when John bs coming back?" I pull my knees up so I'm facing him more. "He texted saying something about hanging out with Sarah tonight so I have no clue" he shrugs.

Our eyes hold onto each other. I try to hype myself up to say something. I don't want the conversation to die.  "What did you want to talk about?" Jjs eyes flicker to my lips for only a moment.

"What?" My breath hitches. "You said you wanted to talk after the party" "oh yeah, nothing it's stupid" I shake my head, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"Nothing you do is stupid" jj adjusts so he's facing me better. "It's none of my business" I shake my head again. "Bella please" his hand softly rests on my knee.

"It starts with your birthday" "did something happen with you and rafe?" "No, god no" I shake my head.

"If I'm honest I was scared to go to your party. I assumed you'd be busy with everyone else, and I didn't have anyone to hang out with so I didn't want to get stuck in a corner drinking alone. That's why I went to dinner with rafe" 

"I wouldn't have let that happen, if anything I would have been in the corner with you" he let's his hand slide up, so it's slightly above my knee, resting on the outside of my thigh. "I did stop by, but I saw you and some girl making out" I bite my lip, feeling stupid for bringing that part up.

"Bella-" "you don't have to explain yourself. You are single, you can do what ever you want" "I was drunk and upset you were out with rafe. she kissed me and I didn't push her away as fast as I should have but as soon as it was over I told her not to do it again"

"The other day, at the gas station, she said you haven't texted her. Are you sure there's nothing going on?" "She got upset when I told her I wasn't into her. I told her we could be friends and maybe hang out some time but I don't want to feed into something or make her think she has a chance. Cause she doesn't" his hand slides up alittle further, now resting mid thigh.

"Rafe knew he didn't have a chance. I made it very clear, and he was really respectful about it until tonight" "I guess I thought you and rafe were testing the waters, to see if you wanted to be together" jj took a deep breath. I know he's not used to being so vulnerable.

"God no. I couldn't shut up about you for long enough" I shake my head with a smile. "Don't play with me like that" the corner off jjs mouth curves into a smile he can't hide.

"I'm not, why do you think I picked the dress I did?" Suddenly our voices were just above a whisper.  "Because you look gorgeous in it" "because it's the same color of your eyes" it occurs to me now how close we are.

My thigh closest to him is pressed against him, his hand rests on my other one. My arm is up on the back of the couch propping my head up. All it would take to kiss him is to lean forward a few more inches. I let my eyes flicker between his eyes and his lips

"I can't imagine rafe was happy about that" were still talking just above a whisper, like were both to scared to make the move. "Maybe that's why he did that tonight" I bite my lip, still feeling embarrassed that it even happened. 

"I'm not going to kiss you unless you tell me that's what you want" he squeezes my thigh lightly. I don't speak right away. The nerves in my body force me mute.

"No matter how badly I want to" he smiles more. "Yes" I nod. "Yes?" He laughs lightly. "kiss me" now I was whispering. "Are you sure? I'd understand if after what happened tonight-" "please kiss me" I put my hand over his.

He takes his hand from under mine and holds my cheek. "Fuck I'm so nervous" he smiles, embarrassed, once we're about and inch away. I muster the courage and close the gap.

Things are tense for a moment but it only takes seconds before our lips are molded to each other. His hand still hold my cheek, I let mine explore his chest.

The simple kiss turns into a string of longer, more desperate kisses. It was obvious how much we both wanted this. His hand slides down to my waist, making my breath hitch.

The position we're sitting in isn't uncomfortable but it's kind of awkward. I stand on my knees to adjust, his hands pull me closer to him.

Now slightly taller than him, I let my hand rest on the side of his neck. I can't help but laugh alittle into the kiss because of how happy I am.

"Come here" he smiles between kisses while squeezing my thigh and pulling in over his leg. Im now straddling him, both hands are behind my back, holding me in a hug, mine are behind his neck.

I'm still nervous but everything feels so natural with jj, so safe. I don't have to worry about him pushing me to far or asking me to do something I don't want to do.

A car door slam outside, probably john b. We stand quickly, not wanting to be caught in such position. We both clear our throats. "Um. I should probably get some sleep" I nod. "Yeah, of course. Me too" he nods quickly. We make our way down the hall.

"Goodnight jj" I smiles quickly down the hall. "Good night B" he bites his lip when he smiles. I kiss him quickly. "Sleep good" I kiss him again. "I'll try" he kisses my forehead.