All Of You// JJ Maybank

12. i cant be here

The sun has set. Ive tossed and turned for what felt like hours. John b and his friends are yelling. There in and out of the house, eating all the snacks I just bought I assume.

I can't go out there and ask them to be quiet. last time it made everything worse. I throw on a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. I pop my headphones In. A jog should clear my mind.

When I leave the house I don't even look over at them. I start my play list and I go. I run for what feels like forever. I'm both hot and cold from the chill air. I end up at a beach. I sit in the sand, taking out one of my headphones.

I watch the moon reflect on the water as my sad Playlist sooths my ear. I'm not sure how long I cry for.

As I run back up the driveway all John b friends stare at me. "Hey kook baby" kie smiled. "Kie-" "I wasn't making fun of her. Rafes hot, Cades ugly. No hate" kie shook her head.

I roll my eyes, putting my headphones away. "Where'd you go?" Jj asks. "For a run" "your offly sweaty" John b looks me up and down. "Yeah, I ran" I say like it's obvious, it should be.

"Okay" he sips his beer. "What is your problem?" I snap. "What?" John b looks like he's embarrassed to be yelled at infront of his friends.

"You lied to Cade and now I have nothing! Is that what you wanted? For me to loose my job and be stuck playing maid for you and your friends? Well News flash John b, no job- can't Pay the bills, no groceries, no gas money. You saw it was just a kiss. You know im no cheater but you lied. You lied and now I have no job, no fiance, no house, no life. I hope your happy John b. Because I'm certainly not" I yell.

I take a deep breath, we all do. That felt so good to get off my chest. "You lost your job?" John b stands. "Why did you lie?" I demand with tears in my eyes. "I just-" "why did you lie!" I demand louder.

"I was mad at you. I am mad at you. You left and everything fell apart. I tried so hard to keep everything together but I couldn't. You came back in town for 2 weeks and everything was fixed. So I'm mad that everything comes so easy to you" he scoffs. "you think it's easy? I can't count on my two hands how many times I've cried since I've been here. It's not easy, it's stressful and overwhelming and suffocating. And instead of offering me a hand you took everything keeping me afloat away from me. I am drowning John b and your too self centered to see it" tears are full speed streaming down my face. My throat hurts from yelling so loud.

I don't even glance over at his friends. I don't care what they have to say. "I didn't ask you to do all that" he says under his breath. "What?" I take a breath. "I want you to say it like you mean it"

"No one asked you to do all that" he cringed. A few "oh shit"s and "dude come on"s come from behind me.

"I never expected to be praised, or put on a pedestal. All I've ever wanted was a thank you. That's it" I sob, pointing at him. He opens his mouth to say something but I'm already running twords the house.

I grab a back pack and start shoving things into it. "So your just going to run away?" John b yells from my door way. "I can't be here tonight. I'll sleep in my car or something" I zip up my back and throw it over my shoulder.

"Like always. When things get tough" he rolls his eyes. "Fuck you! FUCK YOU!" I slam both fists into his chest. He grabs both my wrists. "We don't need you here bella. We did just fine without you before"

"Funny you tell me that after you take away my only other place to go" I laugh through the tears. I can tell in his eyes he feels atleast alittle sorry but he's always had my mothers anger. Can never admit when he's wrong.

He doesn't say anything. I pull my wrists from his grip and push him put of my way. As make my way out I toss some money on the counter. "Half of the energy bill. You pay the rest" I scold him and walk outside.

No one has moved an inch except jj. He stands by my car. "Your keys are in it" he gives me a sympathetic smile. "Goodbye jj" "hey don't say that. You'll be back" "How can I? He said it himself you guys don't need me" "you know we do. Even if he can't admit it" jj tucks a hair behind my ear.

"I don't know where I'm going yet but I don't know when I'll be back. I cant- I can't be here when he's like this" "text me okay? All the time. When you find a place to sleep, when you wake up. I mean it, all the time" "yeah. I can do that" I nod, still crying. "Be safe" Jj kisses the top of my head.

He stands there as i pull out of the drive way, only going back to the group as I pull away on the road.

I find my self infront of the only place I could think.

Rose Cameron opens the door in record time. "Are you okay honey?" It was obvious I had been crying. "Is rafe home?" "Actually he's out with some friends. What did you need?" "I was actually hoping for a place to stay. There's alot going on at home and rafe and I aren't really that close but i don't know where else to go"

"Of course sweat heart. We have a guest room that never gets used" she ushers me inside. Rose tells me dinners at 6 and leaves me alone. I don't unpack or anything. It feels weird to be here at all.

Dinner is awkward. Me, Rose, ward, weezy, and Sarah sit at the table dead silent. Sarah and I exchange a few looks. She's definitely going to text John b as soon as this is over.

Rafe walks in the door. His pace slows pnce he sees me. "Bella is going to be staying with us for alittle while. She's got alot going on at home" ward nodded at rafe.

"Is everything okay?" "Well talk later" I clear my throat. Sarah shoots me a sympathetic smile. "Your late to dinner" Rose points out. "Won't happen again" rafe pulls his chair next to mine and sits.

The rest of dinner is silent.