All Of You// JJ Maybank

22. are you okay rafe?

Dinner is actually really great. I thought the place was going to be a surprise but he actually let me pick. I chose a bar and grill that I've been craving since I got back into town.

Rafe seems like a whole new person, or at least like he's trying to be. He hasn't made a single comment about my brother or his friends.

"How's your burger?" He smiles as I wipe some of the ketchep from my lip. "So good" I nod with a groan. He lets put a small laugh and shoves a fry in his mouth.

"So, do you want to talk about new york?" He looks at me like he definitely wants to talk about it. "Are you going to guilt trip me again?" "I'm sorry" he cringes. "No, I am. It was a joke, mostly. We can talk about it" i wave his apology away.

"Do you want to go?" "I should" I play with my fries. "But?" "But I just got settled back into my life Here, and I like it" "something about the offer must be good enough to make you consider it" rafe points out, waving a fry in my direction.

"The job offer is fantastic, I'd be dumb not to accept but I don't even care about that part anymore" I take a bite of my burger in hopes I wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. "What do you care about?" He sips his soda and Waits for my reply.

"I just want the boys to tell me that they want me here." "Bella it's obvious they need you" he rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe I thought otherwise. "John b has always tried to prove he doesn't need me. He'll, he's the reason I lost both my job and my fiance."

"Well Hes an ass-" "all I want is for him and jj to tell me they want me to stay and I will" "your really going to move your whole life over a grudge?" "I know it's stupid but the stubborn part of me can't let it go"

"Well I'd like you to stay, your a much better friend than my other ones" he smiles as his eyes meet mine. "You mean the ones that think there better than everyone and encourage there friends to do drugs?" "Yes. Those ones" he nods, agreeing to my statement rather than fighting it.

"Are you okay rafe?" "Yes?" "Your agreeing with me, only one comment about John b and it wasn't dumb and over drawn, sitting in a pouge bar with me and not complaining. Who are you and what did you do with rafe?" "Your brother is an ass, my friends are shitty.." he doubled down.

"...and I really want to be your friend. You said it wasn't your job to teach me to be a better person. I'm seeing a therapist  and she's got me on these mood stabilizers, I actually feel really good" he smiles. "You? Rafe Cameron. Have a therapist?" "If it means we can be friends then yes. I will keep my therapist" he nods like he's dead serious.

I don't respond yet, I just stare and try to figure out where the joke is. "I'm not going to lie and say it fun. It's not. It's embarrassing" "i didnt know you had it in you" i shake my head, still in dis belief.

"If youd ever let me id like to take ypu on a real date, put all that messy stuff behind us" his tone sounds apologetic but the word was never actually said.

I'm not quite ready for forgive him yet, but I am ready to move past it. I don't want it to be some elephant in the middle of the room everytime I run into him. I find myself greatful for this dinner. even if I can't forgive him yet, having a fun night with rafe would ease the sourness in my stomach.

He must have noticed me lost in thought. "I didn't mean now, I know you don't have feelings for me" "I'm sorry" I dont even know why I'm apologizing.

"You have terrible taste in men. Jj sucks" rafe shook his head, dismissing my apology. His tone sounded like he was joking. "He does not" I defend him. "Hes immature and totally the opposite of you" "and you arent?" I smile. Rafe stares at me for a moment with an expression I can't read.

"You think youd be a good couple?" He asks. "I worry about when we'd see each other. Jj spend all his time with his friends, which is fine but-" "as a girlfriend youd want him more than that?" Rafes words make my stomach flip. I've never talked boys woth anyone, especially not another boy.

"I mean yeah, but would it make things weird? Like would John b get mad I'm taking jj away or something?" I play with my fries again, feeling embarrassed about the topic. "Jj is his own man. I'm sure John b will let him make his own decisions"  rafe says calmly.

"And what if we aren't good together? I mean, what if changing the lable makes things awkward and then one of us realizes the feelings we're better left as a crush?" "One, boys don't think that deep. If he likes you, he likes you. If he changes his mind he'll tell you, or show signs. Boys are terrible liers, you'll know" rafe must speak from experience.

"Two?" I take a large drink of my margarita. I always get one when I come here. I was going cause we were talking but rafe insisted it was fine. "If paradise doesn't work out for you and Goldie locks, I'll be there to cheer you up" he smiles as if that was going to help me.

Is it nice to know rafes willing to be there for me, yes. Does it feel like that had underlying meaning, also yes.

"What if we can't be friends if it doesn't work out how we want"  "is staying his friend that important to you?" Rafe looked confused. "The most important. He's always been a great friend" well, the few times we've hung out.

"You can't live your life not doing things you want to do, just because the aftermath can be scary" "that was the most inspiring thing I think you've ever said" I tease him. "Fuck off" he laughs. "Your therapist must be getting a run for her money" "oh she is" he nods. This time it was my turn to laugh.

Before we even leave the restaurant I'm starting to feel the margarita. Maybe it wasn't a great idea. My chest is warm, my cheeks are red, and my mind is filled with jj.

As promised rafe stopped by the beach. "I'll stay here. Don't take forever please" rafe clears his throat. "Thank you" I smile before getting out of the car.

The parking lot of the beach sits slightly on a hill so i can't actually see the party until I walk to the end of the pavement. It's a rager. Music is loud even from 100 feet away

I try to spot jj before going down, that way I'm not lost in a bunch of people.  I spot Sarah and John b making out in the water, pope smoking a joint with a bunch of people around the fire.

When I finally see him my heart sinks. He's talking to a girl, a pretty girl. She's exactly the opposite of me and standing way to close to him. She's smiling and slaps his chest like he said something  funny.

Should I be this jealous? I could just go down and break up the interaction. I start walking but stop when she leans up  and kisses him. Oh.

I falter for a moment, not sure what to do with myself anymore. Rafes voice spins me around. "You okay?" "Just take me home" I push past him and get in the car.

He asks again if I'm okay when we he drops me off. I tell him yes and that I was just tired. Then I drink alone in my room and pass out to sad music.