All Of You// JJ Maybank

18.

~two days later~
I wake up to no notifications. Rafe has been MIA since that night but I guess I never reached out either.

I spent the last two days online looking and applying to well paying work from home job applications. I haven't talked to the Cameron family in days let alone done my job.

I have a few virtual meeting set up in a few hours. I shower, taking time to relax alittle after this long week.

When I get put I put on some real clothes, something I haven't done in days. I put my hair up in a way that looks put together but not like I'm trying to hard.

Meetings and interviews always make me crazy nervous. I put on some light make up and honestly I feel alot better. Since moving back I sorta gave up the idea that I need to look so put together all the time.

It's insanely nice outside so i set up my computer on the porch. I make a mental note about getting a desk cause I'll need one if I work from home.

~~~
As I'm finishing my last interview the boys pull into the drive way. Have I really been sitting here this long?

I apologize to the person on the other side of the phone as all there friends noisily pile inside.

"No problem, can I be honest with you?" "Of course" i smile. "I'd be lying if I said I could hire you. Your a great fit and have everything we're looking for but I was only allowed four new hires and I've done that. There's just no room for you here" she cringes. She looks genuinely sorry but I'm wondering why she even waisted my time with the interview.

"Okay" I nod, not sure what to say next. She's looking through some paperwork for a moment before giving me look like she has an idea. "However I have a friend in a different company. I think you'd be a perfect fit over there"

"That sounds great" I nod. "It is out of state, new York actually. The only thing standing in my way of sending your resume to her is your okay.- now I do want to let you know this isn't a work from home offer. You'd have to move up to New York."

"Oh I don't kno-" "now you'd have to talk to her but the last employee I referred to her she put in her airbnb that she runs until they had gotten a place on there own" "I mean I'd have to think about it" I cringe.

"Of course. Would you like me to have her contact you that way you can work out the details?" "I- uh sure" I nod not wanting to turn down the offer.

"Okay, I'd expect a call in the next few days" "thank you so much" the call ends and in a matter of minutes I receive a text from an unknown number introducing itself as holly and sending me a link to the information about the job.

I spend the next hour researching the offer and chatting with Holly. Honestly I'd be dumb to turn it down. It's almost too good to be true. Chatter from the house reminds me of the boys I'm here for.

I couldn't leave them again, not after the state I found them.

I sit on the dock trying to think of an answer. As the sun sets a boat draws near. It's small, low key but my gut tells me exactly who it is.

Rafe doesn't say anything until the boat is off. Nothing keeps it docked to the pier but he gets out anyways.

"Did you drop your phone in the water? I've been trying to text you" "no" I sigh. He joins me on the edge, letting his toes hover the water.

"Why have you been ignoring me?" "I'm still really hurt by what happened on the boat" I shrug, not wanting this ti turn into a fight. "I apologized. Like 4 times"

"Not really" "and I mean what they said about your dad- it's kinda true" "rafe-" "I just feel like your not even trying to forgive me" he says with an edge.

"Rafe can we stop? What ever is going on between us?" "What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?" "Rafe we were never together" "we kissed and stuff" "you never asked to kiss me. And we never talked about being anything more than friends"

"Because I thought you wouldn't want to if I asked" "that is the worst reason to just do something" I sigh, shaking my head. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a shitty person. I've never had anyone I care about as much as I care about you. I'm not sure how to treat you differently then everyone else yet" he seems genuinely sorry.

"Thank you for apologizing. I care about you too rafe but its not my job to teach you how to be a good person" I sigh, feeling defeated. "I like being your friend rafe, as long as your a good friend back" "yeah, It was stupid of me to involve you in that. I don't plan on doing coke ever again"

Part of me wants to believe him, part of me knows I can't. Still, I say nothing.

"How have you been?" "I have a job opportunity I'd be dumb to pass up" "that's great, go for it-" "it's in New York" "your really going to leave again?" "I'm not sure, maybe"

"Your so selfish" he says almost as if he's disappointed. "Well I know the boys would need help. I thought maybe I'd send mone-" "I was talking about me" "what?" "I just told you how I'm changing myself for you and your going to just leave without giving this a second chance?" His tone is almost condicending.

Oh. Dissapointment settles in my throat. I know he's trying but I can't help but resent his failed effort of getting me to stay.

"I think you should go rafe" "you'll text me right?" "Yeah" I nodd.

He crawls back into his boat and says nothing as he pulls away.

It's not until he's gone that I collect myself and go inside. Jjs friends sit around the fire. They ask about my visitor as I walk past, I take note that jj is quiet.

How am I supposed to choose between the Job of a life time and family that really needs me?