Valentina Storm

chapter 19 | we all broke silently ☔︎

Leo comes behind me, holding my hair up, smoothing my back. "It's alright, let it out." Fuck, my stomach is burning.

After pucking out all of my insides I can finally take a moment to breathe properly. My nose is running, Leo hands me a tissue from his pocket. I'm about to tell him to look away but he quickly shuts me up, "I don't care. Shut up." I blow my nose, wiping my mouth. We stand awkwardly silent for a while not saying anything.

I take this as my cue to leave. "Stop running away. You always do this shit. It's obvious you're not okay. It's just me, Val. It's just me and you." I stop in my tracks. Looking at the sky I swear the stars were shinning so bright but now they look as if they died out. Turning to face Leo, "Why do you care so much? How about you fuck off or shut the fuck up," I reply.

His jaw clenches, the look on his face says everything. He's holding himself back. "I always care. I never asked because you're always so quick to shut anyone down when they ask but fuck Val, I am your older brother. Just please for once let me in. I know I am not Leon but I am still your brother. Please." I let out a scoff, annoyed of his words. "Why don't you go drink your kidneys off and then come back to me. Tell me how much I didn't deserve to be with him in his last moments," I am referring to three years ago when I tried to help Leo stand up after getting black out drunk.

I will always remember how serious his face and words were, 'You shouldn't have been with him. It should've been anyone else but you.' Another stab to my heart. When I got home I stared at myself in the mirror for a whole hour, disgusted with myself seeing how useless I truly am.

"I'm going to admit because it is true, I was an asshole. I had no right to speak that way and I'm glad your mad, you deserve to be mad at me. I didn't mean it in the way you think it means—" I cut him off. All the anger burning up inside of me making its way outside of my mouth, I can taste the next hateful words that are about to come out my mouth.

"I know what you fucking meant. Well I'm fucking sorry it happened to be in my room. I'm sorry he came to me. That it happened to be me to hold him in his last moments. There isn't a fucking day where I don't think it should've been me. A day where I don't think about how much more I could've done. So you're right Leo, it shouldn't have been me to hold him." I step closer to Leo, now a feet away from each other. My chest rising and falling.

Leo frustratingly runs his hand through his hair. "That's not what I meant! It doesn't matter who was with him as long as it was any of us! As long as he knew he wasn't alone. I meant that I wish, I wish, I was with him. It should've been me. I should've been there with you. I should've been with my brother. My twin brother. My older brother. We're supposed to be twins and I wasn't there for him. I am just like you. I carry so much guilt knowing I failed as a twin." His eyes are watering, he faces away, unable to look me in the eyes.

"When we are ready we'll talk about that night but right now I am asking about you. Not about what happen. I want to know what's going on. We never once opened up about our feelings. Wanna know what I feel? Just like you, I am tired. We don't act as a family, as siblings. In any moment were at each others faces seeing who can do the most damage. Everyday we fight. Me and you we both did damage to each other but they were never equal. One day it was my turn the next it was you. You distanced yourself, and yes at first I understood but now. That's all you do, run fucking away. I understand your hurting but so are we. Where all victims Val, not just you, all of us. All of us. We all broke silently, we're all broken." Leo explains facing the door.