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My head is killing me right now

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My head is killing me right now.

The plane door finally opens and I take a step outside.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The New York air is cold today.

My head hurts so fucken much I feel like banging it on the floor so it goes away.

Stepping off the plane stairs I make my way to the car.

I have to sit for another hour.

My sister enters the othetr side of the car.

"Fucken hell I feel like throwing up." I hear her mumble.

So do I.

I look out the window and the rain is slowly starting to pour again.

My head is still proccesing the fact that I am back here.

This feels like a fucken dream.

I run my hands through my hair. This headache is making me frustated.

"You good Hay?" my sister asks me.

"Yes."

No.

No I am not fucken okay. How the fuck am I suppose to stay calm. Nothing that is happing right now is normal.

For the first time I'm going to be in a house that I haven't been since he was still here. The last time I stepped in there was when I left to Itlay and said goodbye.

I have a feeling nothing will be the same. I can't stand change. It annoys me because i'll just be wishing things could go back to how they were.

As pathetic as it sounds I would do anything to go back in time. To change what was suppose to happen. To change my stupid freakin decisions.

Is this the reason why I feel so damn frustrated?

No its not but I don't want to admit the real reason.

What the fuck am I even suppose to say when I see her?

I don't desrve to be near her, to speak to her, to breath the same air as her, I don't even desrve to think of her.

There isn't a day where she doesn't run my mind. I can't stop myself but think how she's doing. Now Im fainlly going to see her.

Why am I getting excited?

She probably hates me but can I blame her.

"Sir, ma'am, we are entering the gates." The driver says pulling me out of my trace.

So much thinking I haven't even realized.

I take a deep breath and turn to look at my sister.

She's looking out the window. She seems calm compared e to me but its really hard to tell since this woman never shows any type of emotion.

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