TWICE FOR LOVE (An Mbti College Romance)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: THE HIM I REMEMBER

(ENFJ) ANNA'S POV

I am questioning my life choices.

Brett told me to wait for him after class as my next lecture was free. His? I asked. "Don't worry about me. "

I am sure he skipped. I couldn't sit still as it had been a long time since I hung out with friends or someone invited me without drama. I almost thought he wouldn't show up.

When he did with two girls I felt elated.

He said 'It is gonna be so fun. ' I didn't realise his idea of fun is to roll down the hill in shopping carts.

Where did he get those?  I don't have the faintest notion.

We also have bikes. Sarah(ENFP), an energetic girl, Xumina( ESFP),  a solid 10, and I,  a scared chihuahua, are sitting in shopping carts.

"Anna right?", Sarah asks me."Come sit in this cart we will take some pictures."

"Oh, is it okay? " I try my best to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

"Of course!  Why wouldn't it be? ",  Xiumina says. Does she not want to take pictures with her friend?  Won't I be intruding? Third-wheeling?

_She is my friend. Leave us alone! Choose her or me! You don't belong here! Sorry, no space left for you._

Breathe. Focus.

We take several selfies which they post on their social media handles. "Is it you?  You look splendid. " There is a picture of Xiumina looking gorgeous in a golden knee-length dress.

"Aww. Thank you! ", she beams. The next picture sports Sarah and Xiumina in a stadium with a mascot.

They began showing me snapshots and telling me where each of them was taken. What did they do that day and things?

Sitting here just chatting about random stuff I wonder,  is this what it feels like to have a normal girly conversation? 

What about wondering about the next jab they will make at you? Your skin colour?  Your hair?  Your clothes?  Your laugh?  Your status? You? How long are they going to be entertained with you?

If I went away for ten seconds would the serpent hatch out of its shell? 

Listening to their stories is fun. But this joy is second-hand.

With a dull ache in my chest, I realize how much I have missed in life dwelling on my sorrows,  running after good grades, and worrying about being on my best behaviour, simply struggling to fit in when life had so much more to offer.

I glance at Brett, Sarah and then Xiumina's phone. I have no doubt these people have had their share of miseries. Who knows what is hiding behind their happy faces? 

Yet here they are living the moment without a care. Like they are in the prime of their lives. Like they never cried themselves to sleep at night, plastering the most gorgeous smile the very next day.

Everyone has their demons. Their insecurities. Their past mistakes. That keeps them awake and far from sleep. But it didn't kill them.

Did it try to?  Most probably yes. Was it successful?  Doesn't seem like it no.

But then again people bury their teas in their pillows. Pillows can teach people some loyalty.

It seems like a choice. Is it too late for me to choose?

I need to heal before it becomes a part of my character.

"This nail art is so pretty. I love the butterfly design! ",  I ogle the picture they took in a nail art parlour.