Lamb To The Slaughter

013

I stared at the train tracks, puffing on my last cigarette. I'd quick smoking soon. I know I had said that about a million times, but this time I meant it. Truly. I'd stop smoking soon. 

"Seonghwa." Hongjoong said firmly from behind me. I tossed the cigarette butt on the concrete, slamming the heel of my shoe into it. "Yunho loves you. He was never a spy, just someone to look after you while I was busy. I had other spies." 

I sniffed, staring at the rusty tracks. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" 

"I told you I worked hard to find you." He said like that excused his action. 

"You did." I answered, feeling a chill coming on. "I'm done with you, Hongjoong. I'm done with this life. I want out. I'm sending the police all of the evidence I have on you. Every recording, every piece I could find. This is truly the end of the road for us." 

"You did...you did what? Seonghwa..." 

"I wish you the worst, Hongjoong. I plan to see you in hell." I said, hearing the horn of the oncoming train. 

"Seonghwa...please!" He walked forward but I turned around, holding up a hand in warning.

"I'll give you one last chance. Let me die. Let me die in peace and nothing gets sent to them. You will be free from me. And I will be free from you. Save me...and I will ruin you if it's the last thing I do, do you understand?" 

He looked horrified at the ultimatum I had brought him. 

"Save yourself, Hongjoong. And save me. Save me from you." The train's horn blared louder, almost bursting my eardrums. I stepped back on the tracks, shutting my eyes and letting out a deep breath. "Finally. Finally...peace." 

"Seonghwa!" Hongjoong shouted. 

I listened as the horns screamed in my ears, as the lights made my eyelids bright pink, still creating dark patched in my vision despite my eyes being closed. 

This was my end. 

This was my rebirth. 

I waited for the collision. 

I was slammed into, thrown backward as my body hit not metal bars but dirt. "Fuck! Seonghwa!" Hongjoong choked out, his voice in my ear. "Hate me or not, I can't lose you. I don't care how selfish I am when it comes to you. You're not losing your life because of this. Please...please...even as you send me to prison...don't lose your life because of me." 

Warmth. 

I smiled, opening my eyes at him and wrapping my arms around his waist, the sudden action of affection catching him off guard and making his eyes widen. "Oh Hongjoong, how easily manipulated. Why would I ever want to leave you again? You're mine, after all." 

Confusion rippled in his expression, like he couldn't process any of what just happened. 

"I wondered if you'd save me, even if I gave you every motive not to. I'm ruined for you. But now I know...you're ruined for me too." I whispered. 

I was broken. 

Truly a pathetic excuse for a man. 

Hongjoong really had ruined me, but there was nothing I could do to fix it. The moment I let him kiss me all of those years ago, that was the day I forfeited my ability to be saved. My ability to be better. And ever since then had been a sad reminder of how I had completely lost myself. 

But in Hongjoong, and with Hongjoong...I believed I could find myself again. But this time, a new me. Someone I could learn to love, just as I learned to love Hongjoong. 

I smiled at him. 

This was my truest and greatest achievement. 

This was my rebirth. 

THE END

A/N: I hope you all liked it. I know that it was a quick story, but I really hope it's still good. I know I've been MIA for a while but I hope to come back with more things to publish. 

And to my beautiful girlfriend, I love you so so much. This story is for you.