Lamb To The Slaughter

008

PART TWO

Seonghwa

I felt the breeze through my hair, whipping it around. It was nice outside, despite how windy it was.

Class was over, and it was enough to make me feel relaxed. As much as I loved teaching, it was still work, and it still made me tired afterward.

I looked down at the unlit cigarette between my fingers. I stopped smoking years ago, but recently, I stopped in a gas station. All I needed was a charger, but I couldn't stop staring at the pack of cigarettes I used to smoke.

It felt weird to smoke now. It felt weird to have this cigarette between my fingers, too.

But most of all, it made me feel lonely.

And I hated it.

It had been seven years, and yet I still thought about him constantly. Maybe that meant there was something wrong with me. It was something I could never feel okay about, with just how much I missed his personality.

It was my mistake, one I needed to take responsibility for and felt like I have in many ways.

I let myself get too close to a student, no matter his age, and I felt too deeply about him.

Feeling like he was a friend was dangerous, and I could never judge him for the way he ended up feeling about me.

I broke boundaries without realizing and had ruined so many things.

I stared at the cigarette.

It was time to throw it away and get rid of it altogether.

It was time to move on.

I walked towards the trashcan, holding it above it and letting it dangle from my fingers.

It was time to let him go.

"Seonghwa!" A familiar voice spoke, making me turn my head.

I closed my fist, pocketing the cigarette. "Yunho." I smiled at him, letting him wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"A couple of the professors are going out for some drinks. You should join us." He smiled brightly like he always did, just a big golden retriever.

When I switched jobs, he was the first friend I made, easy-going, and comfortable to talk to.

"Sure." I said a bit breathlessly. I needed a break desperately, especially from my own head.

I wasn't much of a drinker. In fact, I was an extreme lightweight. I was only on my second shot of soju, and my head was swimming.

"You know, I'm just so happy I found Mingi. I don't think I could've been happier with another person. He's just so amazing. I'm so lucky." Yunho was on the verge of slurring his words as he propped his chin up with his fist.

I nodded, smiling for him. The two of them were genuinely cute. "How'd you two meet?"

He hummed as he grabbed a piece of pork belly with his chopsticks, popping it in his mouth before he answered.

"He used to be one of my students." He said it casually. "He was a senior when I met him, a good guy too. Obviously, nothing happened, but after he got his degree and got a job, he came back and asked me out on a date."

"Was it weird? To date a previous student, I mean? I think it'd feel weird for me." I said, staring at the bottom of my empty soju glass.

"Mmm. I thought it would be since technically I did teach him for a year. But it wasn't like he wasn't an adult at the time and everything. Plus, nothing happened while he was my student. It happened pretty naturally if you ask me. Now, I wouldn't be able to live without him."

I continued to stare emptily into the glass, a knot forming between my eyebrows. "You make it sound so simple."

"I mean...it kinda was." He said, his attention more focused on the meat than my questions.

He sounded so convincing. And maybe there was something okay about it. But the truth is, that part of my life was long gone. I needed to let it go,

If there was something wrong with me, it'd be thinking of him after seven fucking years. 

And the truth is... even if I could go back... I don't think I'd change anything. He was still too young and still my student.

As insanely beautiful as that boy was....that's all he was... a boy.

And that's not what I would've wanted. Not then, and not now.