Lamb To The Slaughter

012

If you would've told me that it was possible to faint because of an orgasm, I probably would've thought you were lying. It wasn't that it wasn't possible, I was sure it was, but I would've chalked it down to something being medically wrong and surfacing through sex. 

Or I would've believed the person who claimed it was bragging about it. 

So color me surprised to wake up on the couch in my office after being cleaned up to see a worried Hongjoong checking on me. I knew enough to know I was a healthly individual. There was no other reason for passing out other than just having intense sex. 

I still felt extremely sore and sensitive for hours afterwards. The moment I woke up and saw Hongjoong there, my brain had an intense moment of feeling ashamed. How could I have let any of this happen? 

But I was too exhausted, so when he sat me up and laid in my position, just to bring me down on top of him, I couldn't fight with him on it, let alone argue about it. I fell asleep instantly afterwards. 

I needed to hold onto the fear and disgust and regret that I felt, but instead it was content that washed over me. 

True and pure content, like I was being swaddled with feathers and warmth and peace. His body was just so warm and so comfortable, I couldn't do much of anything to stop myself from curling into him and nuzzling my face into his neck. I couldn't stop myself from wanting to cry a little when his fingers went to my scalp, brushing them through my locks. Everything was way too overwhelming, and shutting down was my only next viable option. 

Everyone has talked about post nut clarity.

And of course it was quite true to have that clarity after orgasming. But for my thoughts to quickly shift from all of the negative, just for it to land on one singular thing...scared me the most. 

I was in love with Kim Hongjoong. 

I stared at my reflection in the window, my brain felt a bit numb again. This week had been entirely on autopilot. 

When I woke up from my nap with Hongjoong and found out that I missed my lecture, I freaked out a little and shoved him out of the room, locking the door behind me and crying until I had no more tears left to shed. It was all too overwhelming and it was enough to shatter my whole entire world. 

I guess I expected myself to look half dead, maybe shed some hair from stress, maybe look sickly to justify the war that was going on inside my heart. 

But no. 

Instead I looked lively and vibrant. I was downright fucking glowing. I felt radiant in the worst ways possible. I looked better than I had the years I was away from him. More filled with life. 

It felt wrong and like a betrayal to myself at the same time. 

My judgement was clouded and I couldn't even think straight, so the only logical thing I could do was call my best friend and hope he could salvage what was left of my broken state. He arrived punctually, like he always did. Not being a second too late and he smiled at he came inside the café, neatly placing his jacket on the back of the chair next to him. 

"Well, you look incredible. Why? What happened?" He seemed confused and I wasn't surprised that he was, I had known him for so long, and he had seen just how bad the state I was in was when he first met me. Confused and lost and pained.