Simmons: Oh my God what's wrong with you, why didn't you tell us you were a Blue?
Grif's Sister: Because-
Simmons: And don't say "because nobody asked".
Grif's Sister: But nobody did ask!
Simmons: God dammit.
Grif: So what if she is a Blue? We'll still keep her.
Simmons: We can't do that. She's on the other team, she'll kill us in our sleep if we keep her.
Grif's Sister: Do I get to do that? That would be awesome!
Grif: No she wouldn't. Besides she's colour-blind. We'll just tell her we're Blues.
Simmons: Uh, hello, we already told her we're Red? Idiot.
Grif: Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb, too. Hey, we're Blue now.
Grif's Sister: Woohoo, go Blue, let's win!
Grif: See?
Simmons: Oh please, she'll figure it out.
Grif: No she won't. In high school she got kicked off of the cheerleading squad three times for rooting for the wrong team.
Simmons: No, she can't stay. I know, we'll tell the Blues that we took her prisoner. Maybe we can get something outta this mess.
Grif: No way, we can't send her over there, they'll kill her!
Simmons: Why would they kill her Grif, she's Blue. It's not like the Blue team goes around killing its own members.
Grif: Oh, right, because she's a Blue. And if she's over there, then the only people that would be trying to kill her, would be us.
Simmons: Exactly.
Grif: And that means she'd be safe. Because we're like the shittiest team ever.
Simmons: Well, I don't know about that. As our new leader, I have some pretty bold plans to-
Grif: But you're not the leader. It was a misunderstanding. You're the guy who buried our leader.
Simmons: You helped! We're in this together.
Grif: No, I made digging noises with my mouth. Remember?
Simmons: Oh God, get me a shovel! (runs off toward the base)
Grif: Yeah, um... Okay, you're a Blue.
Grif's Sister: Touchdown! Woohoo, go Blue!
Grif: No, I mean we're Red, but you're Blue. That means you've gotta get outta here before Simmons digs up Sarge.
Grif's Sister: I love digging! I wanna help.
Grif: No, you're leaving.
Grif's Sister: Where're we going?
Grif: The other base.
Grif's Sister: The Red base?
Grif: No, the Blue base.
Grif's Sister: We have two bases? Awesome!
Grif: Move!
Cut to Church and Caboose on top of a hill near Blue base as Tucker approaches.
Tucker: Hey have you guys seen Doc? I need him to babysit for a while.
Church: Yeah I got him talkin' to Sheila. She's been actin' real wacky lately.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
Yellow Fever
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