Red vs Blue : Mirage

Check out the Treads on that Tank

Church and Tucker are behind a rock with bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them.

Church: My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?

Tucker: You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank.

Church: Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?

Tucker: Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.

Church: Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya. Man, at times like these I really wish Rayner was here.

Tucker: Yeah. The one time shit happens and our best soldier isn't here.

Church: Woah woah woah, hold up. He's good, but I wouldn't say he's the "best".

Cut to Caboose hopping in the tank. As the canopy closes, the tank turns on.

Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.

Caboose: Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.

Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Caboose: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.

Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.

Caboose: Okay.

Cut to Simmons firing the Warthog's gun with Grif on the ground behind him.

Grif: Simmons. SIMMONS!

Simmons stops firing, and steps down.

Grif: Man, that thing is loud.

Sheila drives by in the background.

Simmons: ...WHAT?

Grif: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.

Simmons: OKAY.

Grif: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.

Cut to Caboose having Sheila stranded on a tall rock and turning to try to get off.

Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.

Caboose: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?

Cut to Church peeking out from the side of the rock. Tucker is still standing behind it.

Church: [whispering] Psst, hey, they stopped firing.

Tucker: Why are you whispering?

Church: [whispering] Uhm... I don't know.

Cut to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff.

Grif: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.

Simmons: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?

Sheila rolls up right behind them.

Grif: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long.

Sheila's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons as they speak.

Simmons: Well, at least that was fun.

Grif and Simmons turn simultaneously to see the tank.

Grif: Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?

Cut to Church and Tucker looking at the vacant Warthog.

Church: Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out.

Tucker: No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone.

Church: Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it.

Cut to Sheila's HUD. Her cross hair slowly homes in on Grif's head.

Grif: Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.

A tone goes off indicating target lock.