Opening shot of the sun over Blood Gulch. It slides down to reveal Sarge and Donut watching over the canyon from Red Base.
Donut: So, just you and me hanging out at the base today, huh Sarge! This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me. (whistles casually) So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? Do you think they stopped at the store? I noticed we were getting pre-tty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?
Simmons comes up the ramp behind them.
Simmons: Hey, we're back!
Sarge and Donut turn around.
Donut: Oh man, am I glad to see you guys! Sarge would not stop talking. Seriously.
Sarge: Grif, Simmons, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?
Grif runs up and stands next to Simmons.
Simmons: (sighs) Uhh, not exactly sir. You see, when we showed up the Blues were doing something, REALLY weird and then w-
Grif: Really weird! And they were rude!
Simmons: Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story.
Grif: (half heartedly) Excuse me! Go ahead!
Simmons: (to Sarge) Well you see, the Blue guys were really weird. And not just normal weird, really weird.
Grif: You're not telling it right.
Simmons: Okay, fine, how do you remember it?
Grif: Well, I remember we agreed that you're a kiss-ass. I got fuzzy on the rest of the details.
Simmons: ANYWAY, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir.
Camera zooms in on Sarge.
Sarge: Why those cunning, blue devils! Does their treachery know no bounds?
Grif: It wasn't a total loss, sir. I was able to steal his wallet.
Sarge: Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier outta you yet.
Grif: Really, sir?
Sarge: Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand and get back to work!
Cut to the Blues.
Church: Alright Rayner, what the hell are we gonna do, man? I gotta get my legs working, here.
Rayner: Hmmm, since your legs stopped working because we ripped out the cable, we may just have to replace it with a new one. Unfortunately we don't have any spare wires laying around. We're gonna have to order some more from command along with the next shipment of supplies.
Church: Great, how long is that gonna take?
Rayner: I dunno. Could be a wee– (he receives a call) oh wait, hang on, I gotta take this. Be right back. (runs off to answer his call)
Church: (groans) Ugh, great. (to Tucker) How about you, Tucker? Any ideas to fix this?
Tucker: I don't know man, maybe we should call in a professional. Someone who can fix Sheila too.
Church: Okay, great idea, but the only three people that can do that are Senior El Roboto, Tex, and Rayner.
Caboose: Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
