Lamb To The Slaughter

002

It had been weeks of listening to my classmates' incessant comments of our teacher's looks.

I wanted to take a screw driver to my ears to make it stop.

My brain wasn't any better, though, because I'd still hear those words as my own thoughts.

He was something I could get addicted to. Every smile, glance, or fleeting touch made my head spin.

I needed him.

I was starved for him.

What really started getting under my skin was Tara. Of course it was her. It'd be her in every universe. She'd be the problem always.

So I just had to sit there and watch as she wore shirts that were too low cut, skirts that were too high, anything that would show herself off. But she'd only do it for his class.

I had to give it to him, though. He never noticed. Not once did he ever look at her in any way that brought suspicion. Even though she was technically of age. Even when another student would mention it, it wouldn't bring his attention to it.

He was kind and considerate and professional always.

It was my own delusions anyway, which made me believe he would treat me more kindly and stare at me just a little longer than the other students.

But in reality, I knew that is exactly what those thoughts were.

Delusions.

He acted no different, and maybe I liked that a little. Maybe I liked how clearly he showed off his morality and integrity.

It also gave me a challenge. Something I was more than happy to have.

I knew I could break him. Everyone could break, even the kindest and strongest people could.

I just needed to get on his playing field, and that's exactly what I would do.

I gathered my belongings and packed it into my bag. Going to school more often was exhausting, no matter how much I liked my teacher's presence. It easily got overshadowed by the other students' comments.

But I tried to ignore them for the most part. The other kids made their way out, filing quickly into the halls

I slung my bag over my shoulder, getting up from my seat.

"Hongjoong?" Mr. Park said, making me look up from my desk. I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

It's such a stupid thing for something so small.

"Yes?" I replied, feining more confidence than I had at the moment.

"I graded your paper from last week." He said, walking around his desk and sitting on the edge, crossing his feet as he held it up.

"Ah...is there something wrong with it?" I asked, thinking over what I had written.

He sighed, looking over it quickly before holding it out for me to take. I stared at it briefly but grabbed it, looking at the grade.

He clicked his tongue. "I try to be kind and teach my students well, but I very rarely give out perfect grades. This is an English class, so there is no perfect answer. There are, however, things that can be improved on. I could not find a single fault in your work. Something I don't even see from many professionals in the field. You're extremely talented, Hongjoong."

I looked at the "100%" written at the top of the page, the only other markings being checks along the way.

"This is your second time taking this class, is it not?" He asked, his arms folded as he addressed me.

I simply nodded.

"Have you had any thoughts of what you want your future to look like?"

"I have an idea." I said vaguely.

"I hope it's something fitting for you. I'm glad to have you in my class, Hongjoong. You might end up teaching me a few things." He bowed slightly and then gestured for the door as he walked towards his seat. "Have a good day, Hongjoong."

I've never been one to care about approval from anyone, let alone a teacher. I knew I was talented, and I've had many teachers mention it, and many to do the exact opposite.

I usually just ignored both kinds and went on my way, doing things the way I liked to do them.

But suddenly, I had the need to be recognized by Mr. Park.

I wanted him to see me.

Truly see me, for who I really was.

I wondered if he would be disgusted by the real me, like so many people were. Or if he'd be fascinated, just like how I was with him.

He was young, I had learned. Younger than most of the teachers in his position here, as he had barely reached his thirties.

I wondered...

Do you want to see me, Seonghwa?

Like how I want to see you...

I smiled brightly at him. "You too, Mr. Park."