When White Turns to Red (Part of the Red Series Book 1)

Chapter 24 Anger Revolt

I can sense the anger stirring within me and I bite my lip in response, I draw blood and I allow the metallic liquid to seep onto my tongue and distract me from this room.

Dr Wright sighs heavily, "Blair talk to me, this is all confidential so nobody else will know what you tell me. It's just you and me in a room with a window."

I feel angry but I also feel the urge to speak, the words are on the tip of my tongue but I refuse them access to my vocal chords and I groan.

"God, you are so persistent," It comes out harsher than I intended and for a split second I nearly looked at her but I reverted myself and drew my attention back onto the clock.

"Is anger always your response to questions you don't want to answer? Or is it a shield that protects you from the things you don't want to know?"

My hands slacken and the feeling of the turtle neck around my neck quenches too tight and I want to just claw it off my skin. It resembles my mother's hands and I can feel myself choke even without her actually being here.

My anger does not protect me, it is a hindrance that needs controlling, my mental shield I have been working to the death trying again and again to force my emotions behind it and yet it never works and in response it only makes my anger worse. I can feel it now bubbling over. If I don't control it soon there is no way I'm going to progress in the academy.

"I am working on controlling my anger it consumes me and doesn't what consumes you break you?"

I can practically hear her thoughts as my knee begins to bounce and I press my hand firmly down on my leg to stop it.

"What if anger is the key too it all?"

My knee stops.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"Based on of what I have seen from you rather than heard, you focus too greatly on controlling what you feel rather then letting yourself actually feel it. What would it be like if you let that anger take control? Would it cause destruction or cause you peace?"

I look down at my hands remembering what Alex, Max, and Damien have all said. They have all said something along the lines of, destruction lies in my hands but how? Without anger I am a wilted flower.

They tell me to hide that aggression behind a shield and then they expect me to fight but frustration is my fuel, with it my punches are stronger, and with it I lose feeling of everything else.

"Letting anger control me would only break everything, myself included, is that what peace is?"

"Tell me what is peace to you Blair?" She questions and I stare blankly at the clock.

Peace to me is a world where I can exist without worrying of my mother's presence, and yet now that I am away from her she consumes my mind instead.

"To forget," I reply softly, almost distant.

"To forget and to move on."

"And why would you do that?"

I take a deep breath, "so I can live without fear."

"Fear is a trick of the mind, an unconscious doubt that causes anxiety. Do you know what helps with that? Anger."

I shake my head.

"Anger confuses your judgement, it makes you blind and susceptible to weakness. Anger makes you act on impulse by urgency of the heart. You must feel in order to know your anger is there and that is something I cannot do," my voice trails off and the silence in the air falls deep again.

She clicks her pen a few times before I hear the sound of it being settled on the desk.

"Blair, what do you feel? If you feel just fear and anxiety then anger should be your savour."

Again, she has hit the nail on head. I feel nothing except for those three, I find it unnerving how well she can read me.

"Anger consumes you, and one day you could hurt someone you love because of it," I remind.

"Anger is only consuming if you let it get that far."

Tik.

The hour is up and I'm already out of the chair eagerly stretching out my hand for the door handle.

"Power Blair, you must think to yourself do you want the power or want the win, those are decision you must make."

I pause with my back facing her and shudder.

"What if I want both?"

"What if you let your anger win?"

I walk out the door and I don't look back.

Hey guys thanks for reading, sorry this chapter was so short but the chapters to do with Dr Wright are meant to be short.

What do we think of the therapist? I per say think she's interesting....

I wander what will come of Blair's anger.

Please comment, vote and share.

Happy reading <3