Rockstar kind of love// Nikki Sixx

Chapter 25- Hell

I had noticed Nikki's mood changing so suddenly. One minute he'd be the happiest guy in the world and next the saddest. I couldn't think of what could be causing this. I was pretty fucked up on drugs most of the time (as was he) but it was nothing that we weren't used to.

I had just got to his house after meeting with Cheryl for lunch. We definitely weren't as close since Razzle died, she didn't like how heavily as I was doing drugs and just nagged me all the time. Daniel was just as bad.

Pic for outfit reference-

"Nikki I'm back." I shout.

There was no answer. I huffed and took my jacket off. His car was here so he was definitely here. I made my way up to our bedroom.

"Nikki I swear if you're aslee-" I opened the door and saw him strung out, a couple needles and a bent spoon.... Fuck.

"What the fuck!" I yell, causing Nikki to jump awake.

"Dove...Hey." He rubbed his eyes and I could see him take in his environment and realise what is actually happening.

"You're doing fucking heroin now?" I scowl. This was so selfish of him.

"I'm sorry! It started off as like a small fun thing to do with Tommy an-"

"You are going to end up killing yourself if you don't stop! I thought you were smart enough to know to never fucking inject heroin."

"Oh because you're so fucking smart yourself." Nikki scoffed.

"We I'm clearly fucking smarter than you!" tears started to fill my eyes.

"We all know out of everyone you are the first to take it too far."

"Again Nikki, Clearly that's you!" I storm out.

I started to sob. What the actual fuck does he think he's doing getting hooked on heroin. He's got everything that he's always wanted. The more I thought about, sadly the more I understood it.

I knew how good a speedball felt and that was just sniffing a tiny bit mixed with coke. Injecting must be heaven... 'Stop thinking like that' I reminded myself.

The last thing I needed was to be hooked on that poison. My body was already running on overdrive from all the drugs I had been taking everyday; there was no need to add heroin into the mix.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. This was a serious matter, and it needed to be handled correctly.

I headed downstairs to wait for a couple hours. I could hear Nikki throwing stuff around the room and smashing bottles upstairs.

I decided to make myself a margarita, while I made some dinner for us, It could be a while until he was sober, so I thought it would kill some time.

I turned up the radio so he knew I was downstairs, and started making a chicken pie. I was never a good cook, but I was good at following instructions, so thats what I did.

Nikki abruptly walked into the kitchen with wide eyes. I guess he was shocked that not only had I stayed but I also cooked dinner.

"Look baby, I wanna get clean, I promise I do."

"Well that's a good start. How long has this been going on?"

"For about three months now."

"And do you think you need rehab, or-?"

"No I'll sweat it out at home."

"Okay sure. I'm sure you'll get the withdrawal's and shit but I'm gonna be with you every day."

"Really? You'll stay with me." He had tears in his eyes.

"Of course, I could never leave you." I leant in and kissed him.

"Now pick a movie, I've made dinner, it will probably be the only thing you'll be able to eat all week." I chuckle- trying to make light of very shitty situation.

Three days later...

Nikkis POV

Withdrawals were no fucking joke. I was currently wrapped in a ball, naked, in a cold shower. It was dehumanising. My own girlfriend seeing me this way.

My stomach was killing me, my head was killing me, in fact my whole body was killing me. I was hot and cold, puking, sweating, shaking- it was awful.

"I can't, I can't.." I sobbed with my arms around my knees, and the ice cold water hitting my back.

"Yes you can Nikki, you're doing so well, we are like half way through now, every day should start to get a bit better now."

"Dove, It hurts, just make it stop!" I grabbed her arm like a needy child.

"You are going to be fine! I'm right here." I could see the fear in her eyes. It broke my heart that this was all because of fucking me.

Time had past, and instead of my skin feeling like it was on fire like before, it had now turned to fucking ice.

I couldn't keep warm at all, although Dove reassured me that if anything I felt hot, I was still freezing, wrapped in a blanket.

My teeth were chattering, my whole body was vibrating. Dove was rubbing my back. It felt slightly soothing.

All of a sudden the all to familiar wave of nausea came along and I quickly leant out to the trash can, Puking my guts up.

I couldn't stop thinking about how just a little bit of dope could cure all of this. I know it was the reason I was feeling this but to feel this bad and there to be only one cure (that evidently will make things worse in the long run), was hell.

I knew I had to get my hands on it, It made feel anger towards Dove. She wouldn't leave me, therefore I couldn't get it.

This is probably a blessing in disguise. It just doesn't feel like it right now.

Two days later...

It was starting to get better, the withdrawals. I wasn't a complete mess anymore, and I was managing to actually keep food down.

The thing I hadn't realised was that it's just not the physical withdrawals, it's the mental. And they were very much still there. I still craved it, the process , the feeling. All I wanted to do was shoot up.

I know I sound like a fucking idiot, but hey maybe I am...

Just my luck, Dove had a meeting today. Should take her about 30 minutes to get there with LA traffic and then her meeting is an hour... I started to calculate in my head how much time I had to score some dope.

If I'm really going to do this I need to be smart, I can't get caught this time.

Authors note- Poor Nikki. Unfortunately we all know that Nikki most definitely doesn't get clean yet. It does make me sad writing this, because it reminds me that Nikki probably suffered through a lot of withdrawals on his own:(