𝗕𝗨𝗖𝗞𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦

505

SONG REQUEST FOR THIS CHAPTER: 505 by ARCTIC MONKEYS

750 Words

Idea from @valeriestvrliight

Countless times, I've had to use makeup to cover up my running mascara and red eye bags. Every time I stop crying, my mind runs and I can't control myself. I know I tend to be an overthinker, but even with that knowledge, I can't stop the tears down my face. A couple of days ago, Bucky and I had a huge argument before he left for a mission. It was both of our fault and simultaneously neither. We were both so tired from the countless missions and irritated at the lack of time we'd spent together in between them. It started small, but quickly escalated and we both said things we shouldn't have and didn't mean.

But, I've spent these past few days by myself and had time to think. Even though we've had more arguments than calm conversations recently, I want to still put the work into our relationship. We both understand that we each have emotional baggage, but despite that, we still love each other. So, knowing that today was the last day of his mission and that he was going to sleep in a hotel room before flying back to the compound in the morning, I waited on the bed in the hotel room for him. I need him to know how sorry I am, and that I want this to work.

The room isn't much, since Tony wasn't the one to pay for it and it came out of Bucky's pocket. It's a reasonable size, the view is average, and the bed is pretty small. But, it's enough for the night. And it was relatively cheap. Room 505.

The door handle jiggles, a creaking noise occurring when the door is pushed open. Bucky, looking dishevelled and exhausted, walks into the room, looking down at the floor. But, when he steps in front of the bed, he looks up at me, his eyes wide and eyebrows in his hairline. Even though his face shows exhaustion, I can still tell how shocked he is to see me here unexpectedly. I'm starting to feel bad that I bombarded him.

"Y/N?" He sighs. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry, I know you're tired." I stand up from the bed, watching him begin to change from his tactical gear. "I just couldn't sit at the compound anymore. I was stuck in my head."

He doesn't say anything, instead looking up at me. He can't hold eye contact, a guilty look on his face. I try to hold eye contact, but the look on his face makes my head start to spiral. He doesn't want to solve this. He doesn't want me anymore. This is the end.

"I'm sorry." He stands up from the bed. "I didn't mean what I said. I was so angry at everything. We've been overworked with missions, we'd barely spent any time together, and I took all of that out on you."

"I'm sorry too." I wipe the tear from my cheek. "I wasn't mad at you. I was just frustrated. And I didn't mean what I said either. I want us to go back to before all the missions."

"Yeah, uh." He takes a step away from me.

"What?" I start to panic.

"I can't do that to you."

"Do what to me?"

"I can't stay with you." He grabs my hands. "Look, I love you and I want to keep loving you for the rest of my life. But this time spent away from you on this mission has made me realise how much I affect your life. You said, when we met, that you wanted to travel and have kids later on in your life. But, I can't give you that. I'm taking away everything you want. And I love you too much to keep doing that to you."

"No," I take my hands out of his, placing them on his cheeks. "You're wrong. I wanted all those things back then because I was young, naive and didn't have anyone to share things with. I still want to travel and have kids, but when I think of those things, I want to do all of that with you. I want to do everything with you."

"But I might not be able to give you children."

"Then we'll figure it out." I shake my head. "Like we have with everything else."

"Are you sure?" He looks into my eyes. "Because I don't want to ruin you."

"You won't ruin me. You never could."