N-701124 {b. barnes}

XVIII

Belle sat down on the porch with a tired sigh, letting the cool nighttime air hit her face and exposed skin. She shivered. Her body was exhausted, yet her mind was spinning too fast for her to be able to sleep. She leaned her head back on the wall of the house and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to try and relax.

A set of footsteps approached, and she opened her eyes to see a familiar figure standing in the doorway.

"You can sit by me. I don't bite." She chuckled tiredly. "Even if I did, I'm too tired to bite right now."

Bucky sat down near her. She glanced over at him and smiled. "You have no idea how relieved I am to see you."

"To see me alive after that, or just in general?"

"Both."

"I take it it's been a long five years." He chuckled.

"You have no idea." She rubbed her head. 

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Honestly, I want to sleep for a week. We've got nothing but time."

"Suit yourself. In all seriousness, you need to sleep. I don't want to know when the last time you slept was."

"Two days ago. I think. No, three. Well, technically four, because we spent a whole day time-traveling. So it's only been three days but I've lived through four, not to mention all of the fighting has taken a toll on my body and I'm not as young as I used to be."

"If you stay awake any longer, you're going to collapse. Let's get you to bed." He encouraged.

Belle shook her head. "I can't sleep. I tried earlier. Too many thoughts. I can't quiet them."

"Do you want to talk about anything?"

"Nah, not right now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

A heavy silence cocooned them, like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night. 

It had been a long five years, yet Belle didn't know where to start. The beginning would be a good place, but pouring everything out, all at once, wasn't the best idea, either.

"Tattoos?" He asked, glancing over at her exposed arm.

Belle pressed her lips together and nodded. "Yeah."

"Mind if I ask why?"

"Relapse."

"Just once, or..."

"More." She finished for him. "I think my record was, uh, three months."

"Belle..."

"Don't start." She cut him off. "It's not your fault. You couldn't control it."

"I should have been there."

"Stop it." 

"I could have helped you. None of this would have happened."

"I told you, stop."

"None of this should have happened."

"I said that's enough." She said sharply. After catching a glimpse of Bucky's shocked face, she sighed. "I'm sorry. It's...it's not fair to you. It's been five long years."

"Nothing has been fair to you, either." Bucky said softly. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I know I missed a lot."

Belle rubbed her head. "I don't know where to start. So many things have happened."