Shopping for Love

Chapter 34

Shanaya's POV :

I cracked one eye open after lying in bed for ages. I couldn't get to sleep the whole night. My mind was too clogged up for that. I rolled out of bed and checked the time.

3:25am.

I turned on my lights, rubbing my tired eyes. I walked over to my sewing machine. I had been working on a project. I was designing and making a dress by myself. So far, I had designed and was now putting my design into a real life dress. The materials had just been put together and needed to be stitched up.

I scraped my hand over the silky material. It was soft under my fingers. The colour of the cloth was a creamy colour, warm and peaceful looking.

Totally opposite to my life.

And with that thought, I walked over to my ensuite. I pulled out my first aid kit and took out the scissors. I took one of the blade and looked down to my bare wrist.

Do I deserve to live? No.

First cut.

Is my life perfect. No.

Second cut.

Blood started oozing out of my wrist. I cut myself a few more times, letting the blood drip onto the floor. Tears started to fall down my cheek and onto my wrist, making it sting.

Why isn't my life peaceful and happy? Do I not deserve happiness? Everytime I get close to happiness, it snatched out of my hands. Like as if happiness was not meant to be part of my life.

By the time I had finished, half my arm was covered in cuts, blood covering them. I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

My eyes were puffy, my face pale, cheeks crusty from tears and nose bright red. My lips were chapped and red from the multiple time I was biting on them. My hair was messy.

I look ugly. I am ugly.

I dropped the now blood covered scissors onto the bloody tiled floor and made my way over to my room.

I slipped a few times but managed to stay balanced. My feet were covered in blood, leaving footprints behind me.

I slipped back into bed. My blood on my wirst was drying up, but was still bleeding. My covers would be covered by blood by the time I get up again.

I would get the maids to clean it up. If they question, it was period blood.

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My alarm clock went off, making me jump out of bed. I still didn't get any decent sleep. I kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I rubbed my eyes, staring at my bed covers.

It was covered in blood.

I stared around my room. Footprints from my bed to my ensuite were red coloured. I walked over to my ensuite and examined the mess.

Blood was everywhere. On the floor, sink and the walls. The scissors were lying on the floor.

I grimiced at the sight. I wasn't going to clean it up but the maids would surely ask about the mess. I couldn't say it was period. It wouldn't make any sense.

I jumped when I heard someone knocking at my door. I walked out of my ensuite and towards the door. I only opened it a bit to look at who it was.

Brooklyn was standing there.

'Hey.' He said, giving me a small smile.

'Hi.' I said, returning his smile. I faked it. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.