Metanoia

Chapter Thirty-Five

After work, I thought long and hard about what I was going to do. Now that I knew Marie wasn't mad at me, it took a decent amount of stress off my shoulders. I had time to think about the consequences of following through with Ran's plan, but I also looked at the Pros—the possible ones.

I couldn't really see any positives from it, but I attempted to think so positively that my time went by in the blink of an eye. I tried not to think about the complications of my life so much, but supporting my mother and myself and getting Rindou back was everything I could think about.

Once upon a time, in what seemed like a different lifetime, I found myself entangled in a web of love that left me feeling lost and confused. The truth about my situation was that I was blind - completely blind to the consequences of my actions. This lack of awareness led me to a place where I found myself in an unfortunate situation.

I know some of you thought I was really going to go through with Ran's mastermind plan, and I know some of you are probably like, " Elly, you're so much better off without him. Things are lightning fast for you, and he was just dragging you down. "

But the truth was, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Because falling in love is a sensation that can consume us, it leaves the rational part of our mind behind. It is a natural and powerful force that has the power to blind us to the truth. In my case, I was consumed by a deep and passionate love that blinded me to the realities of life. Yet again, I was also blinded by the money. It was something I didn't have, something I needed to make my mother's and my lives comfortable.

It only led to me breaking my best friend's heart and doing things I couldn't imagine. 

If I had been more self-aware, I might have recognized the potential red flags and warning signs early on. Nonetheless, the intensity of my feelings made me fail to see beyond the surface of one of the infamous kings of Roppongi. I didn't realize anything he was doing outside of me; I didn't want to. But I saw it and knew it. I kept in my head that he wasn't lying to me and liked me for me. But now that I reflected on the actions of both of us, there was nothing but an uphill battle brewing. 

We didn't know it yet.

However, the love I had given and received was not reciprocated, leaving me feeling heartbroken and disillusioned. The realization that I had put my heart on the line for someone who did not value it in the same way was incredibly painful. And I broke his right back.

Everything I did made me lose two people that I held dear and people I can't get back. I had no idea how to fix it, but I knew that messing around with Ran was not the way to go. I would only be walking on fire if I went that way, but I could never do that to Rindou, no matter what happens between us.

The only option I had left was the person I was terrified of telling the truth to—-

"Honey, what are you still doing up this late?"

The sound of my mother's voice made my heart race like it was running a marathon. When I tried to respond, my voice got stuck in my throat, so I took a deep breath and cleared it. "I uh..." There was no easy way of explaining anything to her, but I had to try. "Momma, I need to talk to you...please." I turned my head to her as she leaned on the doorframe of the kitchen.

"Oh no..." My mom started, "You're pregnant."

Inhaling the coffee I had just sipped, I patted my chest, "ma—ack! No!" I coughed out, "I am not pregnant!"

Mom put her hand on her chest, sighing in utter relief. "Gracias a Dios."

In all honesty, I was dumbfounded that she thought of me first when it came to being pregnant. If anything, it would've been Sophia who needed to be worried about. Blinking, I shook my head. "Ma, where did you get me being pregnant from?"