Metanoia

Chapter Twenty-Two

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Most likely because I abruptly ended our talk, my last conversation with Rindou was also the last. My emotions were too extreme at the time. Not knowing what to say to him, I remained silent throughout our conversation. It was a mixture of anger, sadness, and confusion that overwhelmed me in that moment. It felt like words wouldn't do justice to the heavy emotions weighing on my heart. The silence between us spoke volumes, as unsaid words hung in the air, perpetuating the unspoken tension between us. Even now, the regret lingers, wishing I had found the courage to express myself when it mattered most.

Flashback–

"Els, can we talk?"

My heart came to a stop for a split second. I leaned back on my bed, gradually meeting the floor with my knees to my chest and phone to my ear. It was then that I said nothing and he continued talking.

"I know you're mad at me and you have every reason to be," Rindou sighed on the other line. "I guess I was mad that you were defending him and not me, I realize it was childish. I'm not used to people trying to take what's mine–"

"What's yours...?" I mumbled.

"Well, yeah I am paying for your tuition and shit so–"

After pressing the button to end the call, I removed the phone from my ear. Is that really all he thought about? If Daichi was trying to get me to join his side and take me away from him? He was worried about the wrong person...

Flashback end-

My days were filled with back-to-back work. was on my way from the children's clinic to my house to work. Although I hated getting up for college, everything was going fine up until the point where I switched seats from Daichi's. After the second day of him failing to call as promised, I stopped caring. I made up my mind to ignore his comments and instead concentrate on my classes and studies. Daichi was going to be upset with me because I made a promise I couldn't keep.

I could lose my second source of money if I decided to cut ties with Rindou. I wasn't planning on becoming broke again, but I also wasn't going to go after Rindou. I was far more dependent on him than he was on me, but ultimately... My emotions are just as valid as everyone else's.

Daichi was so close to catching me and I decided to take a chance on ruining our friendship. He was unaware that Rindou had often had me in his bed, as well as his car and home counters. They were too caught up with one another to consider the bigger picture, Rune.

After returning Rindou's call and texts, I went out with Rune that night to get my thoughts in order. I was hoping Rune would help me forget about the stress and anxiety I was feeling. My current mood makes me favor Rune over Rindou.

Flashback to messages–

Chicken Little: Elly, cmon I didn't mean it like that.

You said what you said, there's no going around it. You don't care for me.

Chicken Little: If I didn't care, I wouldn't be making an effort to fix anything.

You only want me because Daichi and Rune do, you're not apologizing because you want to.

Chicken Little: Can we still fuck tho?

Flashback to messages end–

Let's just say that there was a total halt to verbal exchanges after I got at Runes. His passionate kisses all over my body and the way his hands stroked me like a piece of art led me to believe that this was meant to last forever, and the greatest part was that I forgot about my problems for a while. It was just what I needed: a pleasant diversion from everyday life.