Metanoia

Chapter Seven

Part Two.

Love.

Why bother?

What's the point?

The only thing love does is break you down. That was what I believed. I remember my mother trying to explain love to me at 16 as if I would soon fall in love. When I turned 18, Nana asked me if I was going to have a boyfriend. Because I was busy, I told her never.

A month or so after that statement, I got a boyfriend. My life was full of love and happiness. As a matter of fact, I liked my life. Everything we did was together. Our times together were never dull. My mom liked him too, so that was a plus.

Things began to change after a while. I don't know what went wrong. A date was planned for the festival. The whole time, he didn't smile, until a girl passed by. While she walked hand in hand with another guy, his eyes followed her. I ignored it, but when we reached the docks where the fireworks would be set off, he turned and broke up with me right then. I looked foolish standing there. That day, I promised myself I would never fall in love again, and I didn't. Three years have passed since then.

My point is that Rindou came into my life uninvited, and I couldn't stop thinking of him. I felt my heart pound as I remembered the day when he kissed me and pinned me against his wall. My heart crumbled under him, I wanted more. The feeling of being easy didn't sit well with me, but he made it hard for me to refuse. My memory was etched with those lilac eyes and dorky glasses. I also thought of him as a human chicken little. The cutest thing ever.

It scared me. It wasn't about him; it was about being their decoy and getting involved in their nonsense. I couldn't count all the 'what ifs' on my fingers and toes. There were just so many. The prospect of working with Rindou didn't seem too promising, but how could I back out? Realistically, I cannot escape this. I was going to say my goodbyes once I found out what information they wanted from me. Take the money and leave. I was planning to do exactly that.

As I sat in class, I figured it out in my head. While Daichi scrolled through his phone, I stared at the blank page.

I can't tell Daichi...How about a hypothetical question for him? He'd fucking kill me. Argh! I avoid shit like the plague! My fucking brain hurts.

"Are you alright?"

In response, I snapped my head to Daichi, who was staring at me as if I had ten heads. "You were talking to yourself."

Oh fuck...

"Hypothetical question," I wrote quickly on the blank paper. Taking a deep breath, I shifted my body to Daichi. "Please don't call me crazy, okay?"

I had no idea how to tell him that I was spying for another gang and performing sexual favors for one of their members while getting paid for it. I was half prostitute and half villain. "I think you're crazy anyway but go ahead." Daichi leaned back against his seat.

"Imagine you got saved by someone and they asked you to do sexual favors for one person only and play I Spy with my little eye in return. Nevertheless, they would pay you for it. Would you do it?" That was all I could offer.

In response, Daichi furrowed his eyebrows, "is someone making you do this?"

Yes. "Never!" I gave his arm a slap, "it's a fucking stupid question!" I growled violently, crossing my legs and arms, "answer it."

Daichi cocked his head slightly and dragged his tongue across his bottom lip. No more falling for that shit. "If it were me, I would take the money before doing anything. The trick is to collect the money first and then do the job. That's how scammers get you. If money is involved, take it first."