Something's Wrong With the Different Realms

Twenty-Four: Finding Hope

"Tell me the entire story."

"Okay," I cleared my throat, "some friends of ours recently revealed this really big secret to us. Jasper and I decided to meet at Your Majesty's to um, I guess, process it. But we had different ideas about what we should do next and this escalated into an argument. Jasper didn't want to help them with their stuff and I wanted to. I basically called Jasper privileged for not wanting to help me and he told me that I was being too pushy. Then, he told me that I wasn't his friend. So that's basically the gist of it."

"So... what do you think about it?" Ivy asked. "Usually, you know what your next steps are. You know what you did wrong and how to fix it. At least that's the case with you. I'll be here to provide some feedback and suggestions and an ear to listen but I know that somewhere deep down in your subconsciousness, you know what you think."

"I guess you're right," I got up to put my half-empty glass on my dresser. "I guess I think that I'm both right and wrong. I think that I was right when I said that Jasper was privileged. I mean, come on, he's White, a dude, and you know, he has most of the privilege cards! But I was wrong when I tried to force him to agree with me and I shouldn't have done that. It should be his choice whether he wants to help them. And he's technically not doing anything wrong by not helping them because he's uncomfortable with it. I mean, it's a big task. But as long as he's not telling their secret or stopping me from helping them, I don't think he's in the wrong."

Ivy nodded and beamed, a glint of light sparkling in her emerald green eyes. "That's exactly what I think too. I think that you were right when you pointed out his privilege but you shouldn't force someone to do something that they don't want to. They should have a choice."

"Thanks but..." I trailed off and glanced down at my pristine floor.

"But what?"

"I still don't know if I can fully forgive him yet," I admitted quietly.

"That's okay, you can take as long as you want to process it."

"Yet at the same time, I want to forgive him. But... I don't know," I tapped my foot against the side of the bed.

"Well..." Ivy lowered an eyebrow, thinking, "let me ask you a question, do you think he meant what he said? Think about it. I mean, I already know the answer but I want you to believe it yourself."

I thought back to the first day Ms. Valance introduced the writing assignment to us and paired me and Jasper in groups. I thought about how Jasper felt comfortable enough to admit his sexuality to me even though he'd just met me. I thought about the time we exchanged numbers and the random conversations that we'd have, ones that weren't just school-related as well. How Jasper had helped me to grieve over Regina and take my friendship with Breena and Summer to another level, while I'd helped him come out to his friends.

He was my friend through and through even if we hadn't known each other for long and we didn't meet outside of school other than occasional visits to the café. If I was just someone he was forced to do a project with, he wouldn't have bothered to text me outside of school and we wouldn't have that video chat where we had an embarrassingly deep conversation.

"So... what do you think?" Ivy asked, tilting her head.

"I think that he didn't actually mean it. He just said it because he was angry at me for being too pushy," I said carefully.

"Good."

"But I'm still, I guess, heartbroken, I don't know another word, about it. It doesn't mean that what he said didn't hurt me. It just reminded me of Regina and how rude she was to me and stuff after I told her that I was asexual. And I guess, I'm sort of scared for what the future of our friendship will hold."