👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#10 The Pentagon Paradox

👵》Cover / Title
The file, guns and magnifying glass is reflective of the characters and the story. The title matches as well so noting to complain about here. 😂

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb could use some line spacing, it looks crowded at the moment but the contents are okay, it gives enough information to get a sense of the story, who the characters are and what the conflicts and stakes are for them without spoiling the story. I think it is well done.

👵》World
The world building is kinda lacking, though the characters' interactions are well portrayed, the visual backdrop of the scenes isn't. Set every scene the characters are in a way that you describe the dream office in the second chapter, each change of scenes should be described in brief and then add more details as the scenes play out. In my opinion having a visual backdrop would make the story better!

👵》Plot & Conflict
You start off with the plot, that's something that is unfortunately rare as I go through my reviews. Though you introduce the two characters fittingly and tie them to the plot nicely, I didn't really get far in the story but I am sure the outline is good considering you start it off nicely.

👵》Characters
You show the characters actions in the scenes well, I can imagine the scene playing in my head on the opening scene albeit to ragdolls. It would be good to weave in descriptions of what the character looks like. You could use the opponent to describe Scarlet for example.

"That look in his blue eyes, almost as light as mine, widens in surprise. The looks of a thief caught red handed..." or "He grabs my blonde hair hard." Something like that. At the moment I am reading the chapter as a woman in a black suit and not much details.

Consistency would be nice as Scarlet wants to injure then aims for the head (Lethal), and imo she could injure someone by shooting at legs so you should find a different way to make her using the knife logical. Love the consequence of the fighting being shown, most writers tend to ignore or just don't show the damage their characters take and just move on like nothing happened.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I enjoy the read, just need more description in certain places imo to make it more immersive. I think it would be better with more focus on character descriptions, and setting of scenes. Definitely solid work but there is always room for improvement!