Crazy For Your Love (Jensoo)

21| "Then I Think You Have Your Answer."

|Jennie|

"I guess we pushed ladies time back for nothing." Nayeon tosses her phone on the bed and frowns. "Sabrina missed her red-eye, and she's not going to be here until dinner."

Mom frowns, and I can tell she wants to rant about my cousin breaking too many promises, and maybe even give Nayeon a lecture about how she told her Sabrina shouldn't be a bridesmaid for this very reason. Our original schedule had us getting facials and mani-pedis on yesterday, but Sabrina needed to stay at home another day for a story about some famous parrot, which was adopted by a country music couple, so we pushed it back.

Instead of giving her an "I told you so," Mom lifts her chin and shrugs. "Her loss."

We're all gathering in Nayeon's suite for the little girl time we never usually get.

"I'm sure she's sorry," I say lamely. I don't really mean it. Sabrina's pretty self-centered and wouldn't show up on time to meet the Pope if there was nothing in it for her.

Nayeon waves a hand. "I don't want to talk about her. Let's talk about something happy."

"Jisoo seems like a very nice woman," Mom says, turning to me.

That is something happy, indeed. "She really is, Mom. You don't need to worry about that."

Nayeon winks at me from across the room where she's admiring the color on Liam's mother's nails.

"I do worry, of course," Mom says, pulling my attention back to the topic at hand. She studies me, and I can tell from the look in her eyes that she's trying to decide how much to say. "It worries me that you felt you had to keep the relationship a secret—not once but twice."

My brows shoot up. Twice. Someone's been talking to Kai.

"How healthy can a relationship be if the woman is keeping it a secret from her family?"

"Mom . . ."

"Enough of that," Nayeon says, waving her hands and saving me from having to come up with an explanation. "Their relationship is no secret now, so let it go. I've talked to her a lot the last couple of days, and I, for one, really like her."

"I do too," Mom says. "But Kai said you two acted quite serious when he met Jisoo last year, and yet you never told us about her then. And she seems wonderful, Jennie, but I keep wondering how wonderful she could really be if you've been here before and it didn't work."

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't tell you about every person I date." I hate this lie. It makes me feel like such crap. But more than that, I hate the implication that Jisoo must not be good enough for me.

Nayeon studies me. "Do you love her?"

I open my mouth and close it again. "She's been my friend for a long time." I'm not sure how I feel about him. I loved her as a friend before we started all of this and have been attracted to her as a woman since the day we met. These days together have made those feelings tangle into a complicated knot I can't make sense of.

"You're afraid to love her," Nayeon says softly. "She told me why."

"Why?" Mom asks, her brow furrowing.

Nayeon squeezes my wrist. "Because of Taehyung, Mama. Jisoo has a dangerous job, and she's scared to lose her like she lost Tae."

I turn up my hand and let my little sister lace her fingers with mine. "That was why I didn't want to get involved at first," I admit. "But now . . ." Now I don't care about that. Now I want Jisoo. Even if I had to go through the same heartache again, I'd want her.

"Oh, Jennie." Mom sinks to the floor in front of us and puts her hands on my knees. "I am so sorry that still haunts you, but you cannot let this fear keep you from the person you love." She smiles and slowly shakes her head. "It's always scary to give your heart to someone—no matter their job—but far worse than that fear is living a life without the person you love. If you push her away again and something happens to her at work, do you think it'll hurt any less?"