Chronicles of Karma

Whispers of the Past

Shambhavi POV

I tried to keep the noises out of my mind, but every time I closed my eyes, I was haunted by the sound, by the image, by the vision of death. The death of my parents, whose life made mine more happy and filled my heart with love. They are the reasons that I am here and the reason for the woman I am today. They taught me everything, including how to be calm, polite, thankful, and help others.

But the one thing they never taught me was how to live without them. Without their presence, without their laughter, without their scent, which always makes me feel calm and at home.

My thoughts slowly transferred to the image of them lying lifeless in the hospital mortuary. I nervously looked at them, hoping they would wake up and wipe my tears. Hoping that we go back to our house and this is all will be one false alarm.

I silently signed the form, and they prepared to get my now-dead parents onto the ambulance back home for the last ritual. I shakily sat between both of their bodies as I softly touched their hands and held them, hoping to be held back.

Once again, the vision transformed into the time when my family members tried to take away my parent's ritual rights from me.

'Sham, this should be done by a male kid. Since your parents only had you, maybe your cousin should do it,' My uncle, dad's brother, said.

My heart broke at those sentences. I am my parents' blood and flesh, and no one in this world was closer to them like I am, and here they want someone to perform my parents' last ritual. I don't have any hate or dislike towards my cousin, but this is not his place. He is nowhere close to them and never really had a bond with them. How in the hell is he performing their last ritual to give them the peace they wanted in the afterlife if at all it's true?

With my teary eyes, I looked at my uncle.

'I am my father's daughter, my mother's only child. I am their flesh and blood. And I will be the one performing this last ritual for them, and if anyone has any problem, they can leave,' I said in a monotone with no emotion.

Everyone around me shook their head but remained silent. At least they knew not to cause any more disruption at the funeral.

The scene transformed into the scene of my parent's funeral pyre for the cremation. The sound of the machine closing the lid and shutting their once lively bodies made my vision blurry. The heat of the fire burning the once soul who walked on this earth is now vaporising into ashes.

The visions ended, and I opened my eyes and gazed at the sea where I was standing precisely one year before as I immersed the ashes into the Bay of Bengal seawater. This beach is where I grew up and spent multiple occasions with them, and I know that this is their favourite walk to relax. It made sense to immerse it in, like ending one's journey from where it had started from water to water.

I completed or tried to end my morning meditation, as recommended for feelings of one's wellness, by this five-star app that helps people,

'Thank god I didn't buy the paid version,' I mumbled as I went inside to start the day.

Well, it's not the app's fault, but it's within me; I just can't able to move on from their departure. And being in lockdown doesn't help. When you are a single child, and you have minimal relationships outside of your parents, it makes it very hard to process this loneliness without them.

I shook my head and determined to do something to keep me worked up. I looked at my parents' room. I never really went inside after their demise; I just can't. Maybe I should go ahead and face it. Facing the room will be my first step in letting go of them.

I slowly turned the doorknob as I stepped into the now silent and dark room, which once was always filled with their chatters; it hurt my head. But I exhaled and continued to do so. Well, I have a lot of cleaning to do. I sighed and opened the closet to see my Amma's multiple sarees neatly folded.

My eyes caught the red Kanjipuram silk saree; this used to be her favourite. I smiled as I took it out and smelled it. I can still smell her scent.

I slowly started to dust and planned to move most of their stuff, maybe to some storage unit. While cleaning, I found my Appa's vintage Rolex, which he made sure adorned his wrist and always walked with pride. Of course, I planned to keep some of their stuff with me here.

As I wore the Rolex, I smiled as it felt like he was holding my hand as he used to do back when we walked back from school in the evening with some funny stories and junk food that my dad used to buy for me but made sure that it will be our secrets, and Amma hasn't needed to know about it.

I laughed with tears as I looked at the saree again. I slowly started to wrap it around me and stood in front of the mirror. As I looked into the mirror's image, I saw a girl who was afraid but put a smile on her face for the world. The mirror image started to transform into something.

As it finally fully transformed, I saw a little girl of 10 who was wearing the same red saree as mine and a Rolex watch on her wrist, which was too big for her yet to fit perfectly.

She smiled widely, showing her two broken front teeth.

'Kozhakatai! Enna panre'(Sweety, What's going on here?) A voice called out to her, and she turned and giggled at the sight of a person who just walked into the room.

'Look, Appa! Amma dressed me up in her saree, and look at your watch!' She proudly showcased and did a twirl.

'Oh my! Who is this beautiful princess?' The man said and hurriedly picked up the young child, who laughed as another figure joined them and laughed at their funny antics.

Suddenly, everything faded, and I pulled back from the visions. And I shook my head as I hurriedly removed the saree and the watch as I gasped for air.

'I gotta get out!' I whispered and tried to leave the room, but my pants got stuck into the nail of my Amma's old suitcase near the bed, and I tried to pull my pants, but at that moment the whole suitcase fell, and the things inside it all scattered around.

'Oh my!' As I softly said, looking at all the mess. But as I looked around, I found an Idol of Krishna. It looked familiar; I slowly bent down, took it gently, and inspected it for damage.

I had seen it when I was younger; my Amma used to pray daily to god Krishna, but as I got older, I never saw it, and eventually, I forgot about it. I gently placed all the items back into the suitcase but kept the idol with me as I went out and closed my parents' room. For day one, this is enough cleaning, I thought to myself.

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